Page 147 of Always You

She’s gone.

I don’t know how long I’ve been standing there, looking at the corner she disappeared around, but when I turn my head, Jason is standing on the front steps of the house, his hands tucked into his sweats with slumped shoulders. His expression is sympathetic, telling me he witnessed the entire thing.

“Did you know?” My chest slowly moves up and down, my eyebrows knitted together as I hold my best friend’s gaze, wondering if he kept this vital piece of information from me. But my lips part with relief when he shakes his head, confusion etched in his dark blue eyes.

“No. She didn’t tell me either.”

I squat down, burying my face in my hands. I haven’t cried since the day I lost half my family, but it’s like a dam has broken, my torso shaking with every sob that comes out. How did I screw it up this bad? I have everything I ever wanted, yet I manage tolose the one thing that really matters. I’d give it all up if it means I can be a better man for her.

I’m a mess, functioning on autopilot, when Jason hauls me up and drags me back into the house. My vision is blurred, my throat sore, and when my gaze lands on the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the counter, I swipe it up. I screw off the cap, then take a big swig. The burning liquid surges through my gullet, and I close my eyes, waiting, hoping, praying it will take away some of the pain.

When they fly back open, Jason is giving me a stern look, standing on the other side of the island. “What?”

He doesn’t reply, but just shakes his head with a look that questions my sanity.

“She’s my best friend, Jason. And I’m supposed to be hers, but I’m too much of an asshole to answer my phone when her motherfucking mother dies!” I rub the back of my neck, having no clue what the fuck I’m doing.

“She has never been your fucking best friend!” he snaps, incredulously. His features harden, and the look in his eyes tells me it’s a good thing there’s two square feet of marble between us, or he would’ve launched at me. “Don’t you dare keep feeding me that lie!”

“It’s not a lie,” I counter, a little less fire in my voice as I bring the bottle to my lips again.

“Bullshit. You keep pretending that she’s your best friend andmaybeyou’ve got feelings for her, when really, you’ve loved her since day one.Day fucking one, Hunter.This isn’t some best friends to lovers bullshit. You and Charlotte? That’s fucking love at first sight.”

“It wasn’t love at first sight for Charlotte.” I huff, rolling my eyes at his comment.

“I wasn’t talking about her.”

I frown as I look at him with a dazed face.

“You think I didn’t notice the secret glances since freshman year? And when you and her finally started talking, there was only one thing that was important. You bent over backwards to make sure you could spend time with her every chance you got. It was fucking annoying, but you’ve loved her from day one, asshole!”

He stays quiet, but his eyes are boring through me with a scowl in place. I swallow, then stare at the infinity pool in the backyard to avoid it.

“She called me,” I confess in a monotone voice. “And I ignored her, because Laurie didn’t want me to talk to her.” I croak the last of the admission, rubbing my eyes with my hands, trying to push the emotion away. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, still regretting it the next day. But now I hate myself for it. Hate that I listened to Laurie’s insecurity when I knew something was going on.

I’m an asshole.

“That’s fucked up, Hunter.”

“She hates me now.”

“Yeah, well, you break it, you buy it, man.” A cynical chuckle leaves his lips, and I snap out of it, shooting him a glare. “I’m not joking. You fucked up, big time. Now fix it. Stop acting like fucking Big Bird, putting your head in the ground, and sign that fucking deal. You’ve been dying since you first laid eyes on her.”

“Why you talking about my girl like she’s a fucking business transaction?” I sneer, not liking the fact he talks like it’s all so simple.

“Because you do weird stuff like call her ‘my girl,’ but then freeze when I tell you to fucking go and actuallymakeher your girl. You’re engaged to someone else! She’s notyourgirl. But you can make her.”

I blink, staring at Jason in silence, my chest moving up and down rapidly as his words seem to cut through my body like the needle of a tattoo machine. Annoyingly. Harrowing.

“What are you so afraid of, man?”

“That she’ll leave.Permanently,” I admit. “That one day, I’ll wake up, and she’s not there. Gone, likethem.”

“She won’t leave willingly. Not you. She’ll never leave you. So, if you are scared of her leaving like your brother and your father?Then yeah, that can happen. But is the chance of that happening scarier than living without her?”

There are a lot of things going through my head right now, but it’s mostly, it’s panic. Panic of what the fuck have I done? Panic at what the hell am I doing? Panic at how the fuck can I fix this? Panic at the thought of my heart physically jumping out of my chest as it pounds against my ribcage like it’s in a damn hockey game. The thought of losing her feels like a tight grasp around my throat, suffocating me more by the second.

“I don’t deserve her.”

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