Page 146 of Always You

“Come home? I’m engaged.”

“So? We both know she doesn’t mean shit to you.” She cocks her eyebrow, folding her arms in front of her body.

“That’s not true.” I shake my head, not sure why I keep lying to her.To myself.

“Yeah? Is that why you are hanging out with Jason five nights a week? Why you sleep more in your old room in this big ass house than sharing the bed with yourfiancée?” She fiercely holds my gaze, pointing at the glass house, and I just stare back at her. “Tell me I’m wrong, Hunt! Tell me I’m full of shit and that you love her. That you want to grow old with her, have a bunch of babies and sit on a porch with her when you’re all gray and wrinkly and I’ll leave right now.Tell me!”

I can’t.But I can’t give her what I want either.

“I have nothing left there. What’s there to come home to?”

“Right.” Her face falls, and I close my eyes as I pinch the bridge of my nose at my poor choice of words.

“Charls, I didn’t—”

“No, you completely made your point.” She smiles sadly, her green eyesdejected.

“See, that’s exactly it,” I yell, my frustration tipping over as I throw my hands in the air. “I screw up anything that comes remotely close to love.”

Her lips are firmly pressed together. “It’s only eight letters, Hunter.”

“But they are not made for me!” I bawl.

“It’s funny.” A laugh leaves her lips, yet her eyes don’t join them. They stay as vicious as the devil himself, bringing me even more of a clarification of the finality of this conversation. “You get your ass kicked for a living, and you have more money in the bank than you can spend, but you don’t have the guts to face your biggest fear.”

She’s right. I’m a coward. There’s no sense in denying it. But I’d rather be a coward than hurt her any more than I’ve already done.

“Love is not made for me.” I shake my head.

“Goddamn, Hunter! That’s not a choice you get to make! You can’t decide if love is for you or not. It justfuckinghappens.”

“You deserve more, baby!!” My voice breaks, shouting out the words that have been running through my head since the first day I met her. “You deserve a good guy, someone who would do anything for you. Who will keep you safe and chase your demons away. Who will give you a family! That’s not me. I am the villain in this story. The fighter. The rebel. Destined to break your heart because I don’t have one anymore. You deserve more than my broken soul.”

Her head tilts, taking in my words. “What if there isn’t more for me?” She waits, then shakes her head. “Don’t answer that question.”

“There is more for you, Charls. One day, you’ll run into some good guy, with a good job, who makes you laugh, and gives you everything you need.”

“I needyou, Hunter,” she hisses, rage radiating from her gorgeous eyes. “I’ve always neededyou. But it turns out, you’ll always need everything else.”

It feels like a knife cracks open my chest and slices right through my heart. If only I was selfish enough to tell her she couldn’t be more wrong. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Yeah, so am I.” A tear runs down her cheek, making me inhale a sharp breath, my heart pounding against my chest. “But you know what? I owe you a thank you. Because I finally realized that it’s what I’ve been doing my entire life. Taking care of everyone. Always ready to drop what I’m doing to do whatever everyone wants, even though I want to do something completely different. Feeling like it’s my sole purpose to help everyone around me. But it’s not. I get that now. I’m done with taking care of everyone else, when the only one I should take care of is me. So thank you. You made me realize that I shouldn’t expect anything in return, making it that much easier to focus on myself.” She gives me a coy smile through her tears. “Have a nice life, Hunter Hansen. You deserve the world. And I mean that. I’ll see you in another life.”

No.

She turns around, strutting away from me, and without thinking, I follow her tracks, pulling her back by her arm when we reach the sidewalk in front of my gate.

“No, don’t leave,” I yelp, desperate. Not even knowing what I will do without her. I’ve tried that. We didn’t speak for a year, and I felt numb the entire time. Like someone took away a piece of me. I don’t deserve her, but I can’t fathom the thought of not having her in my life either.

“Don’t touch me!” She tugs her arm free as she glares up at me. “And don’t follow me. Don’t call me. We are done, Hunter. It’s over.” With big and determined strides, she walks back to the taxi, ordering the driver to leave.

It’s over.

The words echo through my head, keeping my feet glued to the pavement, not knowing what to do while the car starts to move.No. No. No.

“Charls,” I bellow, feeling the panic creep into my body, pulling on my hair. “Charls! Charls! CHARLOTTE!”

My voice sounds more frantic every time I call out her name, but the cab keeps going, disappearing around the corner and leaving me on the sidewalk as the world blurs around me.

---