Page 69 of Forgive You

Why can’t I breathe?

Why is it so hot?

“Julie?” Jason’s voice sounds far away, even though he’s right there.

I swallow. I swallow again. And again, but it doesn’t get rid of the bowling ball in the back of my throat.

“Jules, are you okay?” Jason’s face is in front of mine, his hands covering my cheeks.

I’m too hot. It’s too hot.

I shake my head, willing his hot palms to let go of my skin.

“Are you having a panic attack?”

My rib cage moves up and down, pumping air into my lungs, but nothing happens. I can’t breathe.

“I can’t breathe.”

“Shit. You!” Jason barks. “Get me a glass of water.”

I’m gonna pass out.

I blink, trying to get rid of the blur.

“Baby, breathe.”

How? I don’t know how? Unshed tears are adding volume to the ball behind my tongue.

I vaguely register his hand rubbing my back in strong and even motions.

“I’m here. I got you.” Big blue eyes peer into mine, like an anchor, and I clutch my fingers onto his biceps.

My nails dig into his skin. I should let go. I’m hurting him. But I can’t. I’m gonna pass out.

“Here, drink a little.” A bottle of water is pressed to my lips, but nothing happens.

My entire body is frozen, other than my parted lips still gasping for air. Air. I need air. I can’t breathe. My vision blurs to the point where I just see Jason’s contours, blond hair on top.

“Shit, shit, shit! Stay with me, baby.” I smell Jason’s fresh cologne. He’s close.

I wanna speak, but no words come out. I’m sucked further away from him, even though he’s so close.

“Okay, come here,” he says.

A gust of wind runs over my body when getting scooped into the air, and the last thing I hear while I’m pulled under water is Jason’s comforting voice before everything goes black.

“I got you, baby. I always got you.”

19

Ican’t handle it.

The only reason I’m taking the lead is because I have to, but on the inside, it’s like my heart is sliced in two. I love having her in my arms, feeling her heartbeat against mine, but it’s not the same when she’s shrinking like a defenseless bird, knocked out by life.

“That’s it, close your eyes. You’re safe.” I push a kiss to her forehead, my back slamming against the emergency exit before it bursts open.

Greeted by the salty air, gratitude and relief make her weight in my arms feel lighter.

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