Page 46 of Forgive You

“No!” I get up, matching his stance as I slowly close the distance between us. “You see what you WANT to see, Jason! There’s a fucking difference.”

He wants to paint me as the villain because he’s too scared to give in to what he feels. I know because I’ve denied it for years. For years, I thought Jason was just my friend. Always too chickenshit to admit that I knew very quickly that I picked the wrong brother.

But I did. And the fact that I admitted that to him when he flew home the last time should have been enough. The connection we felt when my body was tangled with his should have beenenough.

But maybe, if this is how he really feels, I’m not enough.

His jaw ticks, and I see the emotion dissipate out of his gaze. “For years, I had to watch you walk out on me. Go back tohim.Now you can watch me walk out on you.”

My lungs freeze, unable to take in a tug of air. “So this is revenge?”

The cruelty feels like a slap in the face.

“No, this is me walking away from what will never be mine.”

13

Nothing calms my mind.

Not the orange and pink sky as I stare into the sunset. Not the sound of the waves crashing against the surface in a soothing rhythm. Not even the Jim Beam coursing through my veins.

Any other day, this would be the perfect combination to resolve whatever loudness consumes my head by riding waves.

But not today.

Today, the smooth sand slides through my fingers while my ass stays planted on the beach. I took three waves and crashed every single time. It’s like my body is literally protesting against me, unable to make a simple wave even though I’ve been surfing for years.

I pull the zipper of my wetsuit, then roll it off until the last of the evening sun warms my bare chest. I haven’t slept.

Fuck, my breakfast, lunch and dinner have been limited to the bottle in my hand.

My harsh words have been ping-ponging through my mind like I’m on a carnival ride.

I’m not a dick. I’m really not. Hunter is. Jensen is. Bodi can be. But not me. I'm calm, smart, and calculated. I don't lash out. I strategize to get what I want. Only, for some fucking reason, Julie brings out a side of me I didn't even know I had.

I always took a lot of pride in believing I was nothing like Jacob. I'm honest, kind, and always ready to lend a hand. Bees and honey, you know?

But as soon as I lock my gaze with Julie's whiskey-brown eyes, there’s this jolt of pain jamming through my ribcage that instantly reminds me I’m livid with her. I look at her and am thrown back into that hotel room for all the wrong reasons.

It fucking hurts, man.

Who knew you could experience your highest high and lowest low in just two hours? They say your world can flip upside down in a heartbeat, but I didn’t understand how true that was until the last day I saw her before I flew back to LA.

And now that she’s here, I keep fucking reliving it, not just when I close my eyes at night, but every fucking day just by knowing she’s here.She’s close.

She’s in the fucking same city.

I take another swig of my bottle of Jim Beam.

I don't even like this shit. It burns through my gullet like fucking acid.

Fucking disgusting.

The sand drums underneath my palm, and I whip my head straight into the glare of my baby brother.

“You are such an asshole.” He drops his ass in the sand next to me, swiping the bottle out of my hand and taking a big swig.

I sweep my gaze to his board shorts and t-shirt, then roll my eyes when it’s perfectly clear he didn’t come here to surf. He came here to scold.

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