Page 142 of Forbidden You

“Don’t you dare say it’s not me!” she snarls, her glare vicious. “It is me. Because if I was enough for you... you would’ve faced your fears because there was no other option. Because living without me sounds scarier than the fear of getting a broken heart. Because that’s how it feels forme.” She pushes her thumb against her heart, tears now staining her flustered cheeks. “I’d rather risk my heart for you than wonder what we could’ve been for the rest of my life. I’d rather be brave than be a coward!” She spits out the last word, blasting past me, stomping to her room.

She walks away from me until she slams the door to her bedroom shut behind her, leaving me alone with my thoughts once more.

She’s right. I’m a coward. But I don’t know how to change it. I lost my mother. I’m about to lose my father. Losing my heart, I won’t survive. It will kill me like it’s doing to my dad.

I know people always talk about it like you can overcome a broken heart, but my father is living proof that’s not the case. He’s been fighting for my mother for most of my life and when she died, he died with her. He has never been the same, his mind abandoning him more and more as the years passed by. I know he’d rather have died with her, and the only reason he didn’t was for me.

But I felt it.

I felt how he lost his mind when he lost her.Literally.I saw how he slowly withered away after she left him. It was excruciating. It still is. And the reality is that I’m about to lose him for it in the near future.

Kayla is right. I’m terrified, but I’d rather be terrified until the day I die than slowly become a figment of myself. I can’t end up like my dad did.

***

I’ve been staring at the shut off TV for an hour, hoping to find the words that could fix this. Anything to not make her hate me, but I come up empty every single fucking time.

I don’t want to lose her. But I can’t keep her either.

I’m snapped out of my thoughts when I register the sound of her door opening, and I look up. She trots out of her room, her chin up in the air and her suitcase strolling behind her.

My pulse quickens.

“Where are you going?” I question, confused.

I expected us to end, but I also hoped we could talk things out, agree to be friends while I find her an apartment or whatever. I didn’t expect her to flee from my house within the hour.

“Home.”

“What do you mean,home?” I get up from the couch with my coffee cup in hand.

“North Carolina.”

“Baby, you don’t have to go,” I say, my voice pained while tears push behind my eyes at the thought of her leaving. By the thought of her staying. How come both thoughts make my heart squeeze in fear?

How did everything became so fucked up?!

“I’m not going to pretend we’re friends, Bodi.” She gives me a disappointed look. “Thank you for the opportunity to work for you.” Her voice cracks and tears fall from the corners of her beautiful eyes. “You gave me a chance when I thought no one would, and I’ll forever be grateful for it. You gave me the chance to find out what I’m capable of.”

“Kayla, please don’t do this.” My breath catches.

“I’m not doing this, Bodi. You are!” She points her finger at me, her hurt expression flashing with anger again. Her breath stops as she pinches the bridge of her nose, then lets her shoulders slog down. “You know, I can’t even count how many times you told me I was too young for you. Funny, that now, when it matters, I’m the one who’s acting like the adult.” A sad chuckle falls from her pursed mouth before she inhales deeply, then slowly exhales with her gaze aimed at the floor as if she’s finding the courage to keep going. When she looks up at me again, she bites her lips to hold back her tears.

“I love you, Bodi.” A sting slams through my heart. “I’m in love with you and I might beonlynineteen years old, but I’m not afraid to say it. I’m not afraid to tell you that falling in love with you was both terrifying and thrilling and that as much as I resent you right now for breaking my heart, for not acting like the strong, sensible man that I know you are, I don’t regret it. I don’t regretus. I just regret making myself believe I was enough for you to face my fears.”

I gasp when she throws the last line on the table, my heart splitting in half when she does.

She throws a bundle of paper on the counter.

“Here is your next bestseller. Maybe that will bring you the happiness you want,” she sneers. “Goodbye, Bodi.”

Without giving me a second glance, she walks past me, tugging her suitcase behind her. My heart screams that I need to reach out for her, yank her back into my chest. But I’m frozen to the floor, my muscles completely rigid while my fear cripples me.

“Kayla!” I shout right before the door falls shut behind her and I squat to the floor.

“Fuck!” I roar, throwing my cup across the room.

The glass splinters onto the floor and it feels like they are all cutting through the soft tissue of my heart. Tears flood from my eyes as I weep into my hands, but they don’t make me get up and follow behind her. They don’t demand that I chase her.

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