“I don’t care!” Lydia says, but there’s a tremble in her voice. I can tell that speaking to Bianca shook her up. She’s scared. She’s intimidated by the life I live, as she should be. I shake my head at her.
“You should care. And for your own sake...I’m drawing a line under this, Lydia. Until I find some way to be with you while keeping you one hundred percent safe, we have to be apart.” I grip her chin in my hand. “Just remember. Even if we’re apart you’re mine. I’ll come back to you when I know it’s safe. I’m not going to change my mind about you, Lydia. But for now, stay away from me.”
Tears fill her eyes. “Lorenzo…”
Hearing her say my name wrenches my heart. I want nothing more than to pick up where we left off. My cock throbs for her tirelessly. I want to make her feel special. I want her to know that I’m not selling her empty words. But if I give in to these impulses now, I’ll never be able to stop. I move toward the door, even as she grips my arm to stop me from going. She’s crying now, begging me not to go.
“Lorenzo...please...stay. We can make this work. I swear we can make this okay.”
She doesn't understand. She doesn’t understand the kind of danger she might face. This is the compromise...if she’s staying here, then we can’t be together. At least we can see each other every day. At least we know what we feel for one another is real.
Even if we never get to act on it.Chapter SixLydiaMy throat is raw from crying all night long. As I force myself out of bed at seven am, I know I’m in for a long and difficult day. Lorenzo said that I wouldn’t see much of him around the house, but his scent still lingers on my skin, the memory of his touch still fresh in my mind. I don’t have to see him to be reminded of what I almost had last night. I don’t need him to be in front of me to know that I’ve lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I should’ve just told him that I don’t care about his job the second he came out of the closet. I should’ve made it clear that it doesn’t matter to me how deep he is in this mafia business. All I want is for me and him to be together. I’ve solved the mystery Lorenzo was hiding from me, but at a cost too great.
I carry out my chores in a daze. How am I supposed to act normally after the way he touched me last night? How am I meant to pretend that I’m not head over heels for him, my boss, my sexy mafia man? How am I meant to keep my distance when we’re never too far apart.
I sniff as I’m dusting the dining room, hoping that anyone who overhears me will think it’s just the dust making me sniffly. I wish I had some solution to all of this. Was I an idiot to stay? He tried to send me away, after all. Maybe that’s what he actually wants. Maybe I’m too much trouble for him.
No. He wants to keep me around to protect me. He cares about me. He just wants what he can’t have...same as me.
I wander around the house like a ghost. For such a huge place, it needs very little maintenance. They keep it pristine, as though they’re keeping it clean of all the secrets they carry around with them. How do they do it? Bianca and Lorenzo, they live their lives on the edge. I never once thought about living that way. I’ve always had such a safe plan. I went to college to study Spanish and Italian, and now I’m saving up for my travels before I settle down and get a job, a house, a family.
But suddenly those dreams don’t feel like enough. What’s the point if Lorenzo isn’t a part of them? I could leave here, see the world, find a cute guy, and settle down with him...but it wouldn’t fulfill me. Now that I’ve had a taste of what it’s like to be with Lorenzo, I’ll never be the same again. I can never go back to some mundane way of life that doesn’t have him in it. I can’t pretend to be interested in a normal life now when he can offer me adventure, excitement, maybe even a little danger.
What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never been this way before. I’ve never put a toe out of line or craved anything remotely dangerous. But I guess it’s part of his package deal. And if this is the life he chooses to lead...then I want to be a part of it too.