Page 34 of The Fake Family Deal

Especially because the answer is yes.

“I’ve already told you, I’ve never really done thefriendsthing before. I’ve never seen the point of relationships before.”

“Before, yes, but what about now?”

Another punch to the gut. These must be all the questions she’s wanted to ask me all this time but hasn’t been brave enough to.

And I have told her that I don’t have friends. What I haven’t told her is that, even though I’ve been with girls all over the place, none of them have ever made me feel the way she does. None of them have ever seriously made me consider anything long-term.

None of them have felt like a marriage.

“Aren’t you tired of the act?” Marina pushes. “Don’t you ever want to let anyone in?”

On the TV, the hockey team scores a goal, and the crowd goes wild, yelling and stomping and applauding, their whole world shrunk down to that stadium, that moment, that victory. The camera cuts in close to the goal scorer, her face glistening with sweat, her eyes sparkling with the joy of victory.

“You’re right,” I say eventually. “But it’s an act I’ve performed for so long that I don’t know who I am without it. I’ve adopted it for so long, it’s become true.”

“And do you want to change?”

Marina puts down her bowl and smiles at me. Without meaning to, my eyes flicker down her body, roaming over the soft curves of her arms and legs and breasts. I can’t lie and say I’ve never thought about how they must feel.

Right now, though, I’m imagining it more than ever. It would be so easy to reach over to her, to pull her close. To find out how her skin feels.

“You know what you said before about my family being rich,” I say.

She just nods, letting me talk, sensing that I need to say this before I choke and my nerve weakens.

“Well, you’re right. I’ve never known anything but success. I saw a talk once, by a woman, years ago. It was all about how success as we know it is just an illusion, and how so many self-starters come from families who can afford to give them huge loans and buy them houses and stuff. At the time I thought it was stupid. I thought, ‘I built my business from scratch. Anyone can do it.’ Butseeing you, it’s made me realize that no, the average person can’t do that. Theyworkfor everything.”

She raises both eyebrows, and I know she’s teasing me, but I still feel a stab of guilt. “Well, I wouldn’t put it quite like that, but yes. Average people can’t do that.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean that you’re average.”

“Not living up to your reputation — yet again.” She grins.

“No. But that is exactly the sort of thing an asshole would say. That you were average and dull. But I don’t think you’re an impoverished troll. No,” I scoff, my words running away with themselves, “I think you’re wonderful.”

“Ellis,” she scolds me, biting her lip in embarrassment.

It would be so easy to lean in and capture her lips in a kiss right now. There’s a fire in me that I’d forgotten, a burning, stirring on the inside. It’s something I haven’t felt in such a long time.

“I know you think you don’t do enough for Lila,” I say, steamrolling on. “But you do. I’ve seen how you look at that. Hell, you’re here with me. And you hate me! You’d do anything for her. It must be good to feel love that unconditional.”

Marina’s face flushes even more. “I just feel so helpless sometimes,” she says sadly. “I’m doing my best but it’s not enough, not really, no matter what you say. I don’t have anything to give her. At this rate, she’s not even going to inherit a place to live from me. Well, I guess she could now because I’m going to buy something with the money. I’m going to be responsible with it.”

“You don’t need to justify it to me,” I cut her off before she can keep spiraling. “I didn’t give you this money because I wantedyou to do something useful with it. I gave it to you because I wanted you to come and do this with me. For all I care, you can blow it on a thousand gold statues.”

She giggles again. “It’s all for Lila. Everything is for Lila.”

“Nobody’s told you recently that you’re an amazing mom, have they?”

“No,” she admits, casting her eyes down to her hands. “No, they haven’t.”

“Well, you are. You should be proud of everything that you’ve done for her. And you deserve to be able to think of yourself sometimes.”

She takes a shaky breath and swallows. Tears form in her eyes, making them shine, deep brown and beautiful.

Without realizing it, our hands have come together, grasping each other like we’re the only things on earth left to hold on to. Like all that matters is this room, this moment.

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