Page 92 of My Vows Are Sealed

“Why, Mom?” I asked her, my voice breaking. “Why are you still there?”

“It’s complicated, sweetheart. You wouldn’t understand.”

Tears started to stream out under her sunglasses. When she took them off to wipe her cheeks, bile rose in my throat as I noticed that her left eye was swollen halfway shut and her nose was probably broken.

How could she stay with him after he’d done that to her? I just didn’t get it. Brendan had never even raised hisvoicewith me, let alone his hands. But if he had, I would have left after just one time. How could she stay with my father – and keepmethere with him – when he beat her black and blue? Especially with her fragile health? This couldn’t have been good for her with the multiple sclerosis.

“Howcan you stay with him, Mom?” I sniffled. “Makeme understand. If I can’t go back to my own house, I deserve to know why. I deserve to know why you’re staying with a man who would have raped his own daughter,yourdaughter, if you hadn’t stopped him.”

I had to consciously stop myself from raising my voice, because the more I thought about that, and the more I remembered how terrified I’d been and how wrong it had felt, the angrier I got. How could she condone that behavior? How could she go sit in the front row of church every Sunday and Wednesday and play the adoring wife in public when he was a monster in private?

“Because he’ll kill us both if I leave,” she sobbed. “I tried to leave once, when you were just a little girl. You would have been too small to even remember it. I think you were three. I acted like I was sick and had to stay home from church one Wednesday night, and I packed a bag and took you to a friend’s house. But it didn’t even last a whole night. He found us and dragged us back home. He actually threw you into the wall just because he knew it would kill me to watch him hurting you. And then…the things he did to me…and he wouldn’t let me go to the hospital or even see a doctor. He told me that was just a warning, and that the next time I tried to leave, he’d make me watch while he killed you and then make me beg for death before he finally delivered it, and that they’d never even find our bodies. He’s still looking for you, and that’s why I need you to stay far away. I can’t let him get his hands on you ever again. He can do what he wants to me. I made my choices a long time ago, but you still have a chance for a life. You have a chance to be free. You have a chance to find a man who loves you and not to make the same mistakes I did.”

I was in tears by the time she was done talking. She’d never told me that story before. I’d never known how bad it was.

Was he going to huntmedown like that now? I’d left, just like she’d tried to. Was that my future? Would he ever stop trying to track me down just so he could drag me back home and kill me himself?

And hearing her tell me that I had a chance to find love…God, I was so close to breaking. To telling her that I alreadyhadfound love. A man who I already knew I was going to spend rest of my life with. A man who would die before he ever raised a hand to me, and who would die protecting me if he had to. When I was little, I’d always imagined being able to tell my mom when I met a boy. I’d imagined gushing to her when I had my first crush, my first kiss, my first “I love you.” But I couldn’t tell her anything at all. I’d be lucky if she was even able to be at my wedding, which was happening way sooner than she knew.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me, Mom?” I managed to get out through my tears. “Why didn’t you tell the police? Tellsomeone?”

“I tried to. Just like you tried to talk to your teachers at school. But he has so much influence in this town. He managed to get them all to look the other way, just like he did when your teachers at St. Bishop’s confronted him,” she sniffed. “I know you might not fully understand my decision, but please believe me when I tell you that I love you more than anything else in this whole world and that everything I’ve done, everything I’m doing, is all for you. I was trying to make sure you never found out just how dangerous your father really is, and I’m so sorry I failed.”

I nodded, but I didn’t say anything else. I didn’t know whattosay.

“I can’t stay long, sweetheart,” she said, taking a deep breath as she grabbed a duffel bag from next to her. “I put as many of your clothes in here as I could. And there’s something else in there too. Don’t open it until you’re back at wherever you’re staying.”

I threw my arms around her. “I love you, Mom. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Darla,” she whispered. “Never be sorry. Don’t be sorry for finding love. Don’t be sorry for finding a way to be free. Don’t be sorry for not letting him break you the way he’s broken me. You’re stronger than I’ll ever be, and I amsoproud of you.”

I couldn’t find any words to say. Because the reality was, maybe I was strong for finding the will to leave, but what she was doing required its own kind of strength. She was staying there because she wanted to protect me, to keep him from trying to find me. She was willingly subjecting herself to absolute horror and physical danger just so her daughter could have a fighting chance for a better life.

“As soon as I’m eighteen, I’m telling the police,” I told her. “I’m filing a restraining order against him, and I’m telling them everything. I’ll get you out of there too, Mom.”

“It won’t work,” she sniffled. “And it’s too dangerous for both of us.”

I took a deep breath. I knew it might take her a little while to accept that this was what I had to do, because I couldn’t live the rest of my life in fear. I couldn’t reallyhavea life if I was always looking over my shoulder, scared of when he’d finally find me and try to hurt or kill me. If I was ever going to be truly free, I had to know that my father was behind bars.

“I’ll find a way,” was all I said. “I love you, Mom. I’ll see you soon. I hope.”

“Even if you don’t see me at your graduation in a couple of weeks, I’ll see you,” she said, cracking half a smile. “I’m so proud of you, Darla. I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become. And I want nothing more than to know that you’ll be happy and safe and loved for the rest of your life.”

My mom leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, then squeezed my hand and turned to walk out of the bookstore. I couldn’t help more tears from spilling over my cheeks as I watched her making her way to the car I’d ridden in more times than I could count. Once she was inside, I picked up the duffel bag and slung it over my shoulder, then made my way over toward the cookbook section.

As soon as I turned down the aisle, I froze for a split second before spinning right back around and trying to walk away. Because Brendanwasthere…but he wasn’t alone. He was with Marie.

I didn’t even make it five steps before I was caught up in the gentle, strong embrace I knew so well. The one that always made me feel safe, no matter how bad things were. And that was how I knew I could trust it. Because despite my fear, that feeling of safety, of home, was still just as strong as it had been on Saturday night.

“It’s okay, baby,” Brendan whispered into my ear as he turned me around to face him. “You’re safe. She knows. She’s known for a long time. She reached out to me because she was worried about you. She and Peter both were.”

“She…” I hiccupped quietly. “She knows?”

“She’s a therapist, Dar,” he reminded me. “She sees this kind of thing every single day. She figured it out even before I did. Peter wanted to come today too, but she convinced him to stay home because she thought you might be more comfortable talking to her alone. And I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to.”

“No,” I whimpered, tightening my arms around him. “I need you.”

“I’m right here,” he promised with a kiss on my head. “Come on.”

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