Page 26 of Under Her Skin

I crawl out of his lap. My embarrassment fueling the anger residing just below the surface. The pacing starts. “What the fuck, Cal? Did you plan to ever tell me?” My arms take a life of their own and start to gesture wildly. “The shame I feel for all that was done to me. The drugs forcefully pumped into my system. Worse, how can you even fathom having intimacy with me after watching Kiel force his cock into my body over and over again?” I yell.

Cal doesn’t move during my tirade. In fact, it looks like he is fighting a smirk. Why the hell is he smiling? That bastard knew this whole time. Casually pushing up, he leans against the wall with a carefree attitude, all concern vanished.

“Well, Ava, I know that you didn’t choose any of it. I know that you never would have chosen it. I prayed that you wouldn’t give up and let him win. I was right; you fought.” He paused to let the words saturate the air between us. “I also know that I had you first. And that makes you mine.” He growls out the last part. My eyes widened in shock at the possessiveness.

“You can’t be serious.” He is already nodding yes to my statement. “Fucking hell. Cal, how the hell can you be so casual about this? I don’t even feel like myself, and yet you don't seem to view me any different.”

He shrugs his well-defined shoulders. “Ava, you see the physical scars of torture that weave throughout your body as a fragility. I see a warrior coming out of battle. I see a woman who walked through the seven rings of hell and survived.”

He walks closer.

“There are many scars that I will never see. You experience them nightly. PTSD is not a joke, nor is it an easy foe to wrangle into submission. In your eyes, you view this as more damage done. When I gaze upon you, I see a woman who’s in a dogfight with her demons daily. Some days you lose and others you win. It is not the battle that matters, sweet Ava. It's who wins the war.”

Cal is right in front of me. He places his finger beneath my chin, tipping it back so I can stare into his eyes as they gleam with strength and need.

“And dear sweet Ava, I intend for you to snuff out your internal enemies. I’ll be by your side helping you slash your way to the top and cheering you on at every turn. If needed, I will be the one to pick you up, offering you my strength until you no longer need it.”

His words send a thrill through me. Cal never gave up. More importantly, he wants me, broken and cracked. He talks and acts as though he could throw me down and have his wicked way with me. I like that. I like that a lot. It's nice to feel wanted, yet respected. He finds my strengths where all I see is weakness.

Breathing him in, I take a tentative step closing the gap between us. Sneaking a glance up at his face, he is still staring down at me with an intensity I can’t match … yet. Knowing what I need to do, I make the first move. I lean my forehead against his warm, solid chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart thumping out a loving melody. I keep breathing him in. He smells like home. I feel his arms move hesitantly, afraid to give me a fright. He finally wraps me in his warm embrace. Maybe, just maybe, I can find the light with him by my side.

24

CAL

Signaling to my next in command to go left, we surround the building. The target was confirmed onsite. Quickly and quietly, we make our way into the back. The team splits, each taking a different direction. I head further into the maze, methodically clearing every room. I finally found that bastard, hiding like a fucking pussy. I go to reach for him as he throws his wife at me. I catch her and then …

I blinked and now I’m strapped to a table. How did I get here? Wasn’t I just hunting him? How did I become the prey? My heart beats frantically in my chest. Sweat is pouring off me as I try to get out of the manacles holding me in place. I can’t see a way out. All I hear are screams of pain. Where are they coming from? I glance wildly about the space. It's empty except for a two-way mirror.

Closing my eyes, I attempt to figure out what the hell is happening. Opening my eyes, Kiel’s face appears above me, laughing maniacally. “Cal … I told you I would fucking win.” His eyes are wild and crazed as he brings up a Damascus hunting blade, swinging it down. I brace for the impact. Its trajectory is dead center of my chest. A final kill. As soon as it slams into my heart, I gasp for my final breath.

“Cal. Wake up.” My body is rocking. “Wake up, Cal it's just a nightmare - it's not real. CALLLLLL!” Someone is screaming my name and shaking me. My eyes pop open; my chest rising and falling rapidly. I sit up and see Ava curling around me. Soothingly, she murmurs: “You’re okay … You’re okay.” I wrap an arm around her.

“Yep.” My voice is rough with sleep and yelling. I can’t seem to understand how these events have merged into this fucked up mess. Sure, it's the same bastard. But years apart, and the first time around,wedid the harm. I give Kiel his credit, he had me over a barrel when he took me to his torture cave. He should have killed me when he had the chance. Rubbing Ava’s back, I apologize.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Shaking my head, I lean back against the headboard, taking her with me. “And you were finally getting a good night’s sleep until I fucked it up.” I gently kiss her head.

“Cal,” she murmurs so quietly that I barely hear her. “Umm… would you tell me about your nightmare?” As she speaks, she slowly curls into herself as though she is afraid of my response. She is still wrapped around me, allowing me to pull her to my body. It's more than I have done since she was found standing over Kiel. My hand is leisurely sliding up and down the soft skin of her back, her nightgown allowing my access to her upper back.

She doesn’t push. She silently waits. I tip her chin up, staring into her eyes. There's no judgment, only curiosity and complete openness. She is willing to be vulnerable with me. Maybe. Maybe I need to accept this opportunity. Perhaps exposing myself to her will give us the jumpstart that I am desperate to have.

Clearing my throat, I divulge everything. I talk about my first time in Afghanistan, when we captured Kiel and his wife. Not wanting to have questions, I reveal it all. I explain the reason for our choices and throw myself and her brothers under the bus at her mercy. Shifting positions to sink further into the bed, I continue, noticing that Ava doesn’t move her head as it rests on my chest. She allows me to leave my hand on her back.

Again, another win.

I don’t hold back. I disclose what led up to Kiel having not only her but myself. I tell her how he gave me zero choices. How I gave myself to him hoping that he would release her. After confessing about the torture I experienced and how he left me, Ava shifts closer to me, putting her chin on my chest. She pins me with a look. I can’t decipher the emotion lingering but I wait.

It wasn’t easy to tell her all the things Kiel did to me. I know that what I experienced pales in comparison, but it still left me vulnerable and exposed. Knowing that sharing can only benefit us both, I didn’t want her to feel like I was holding back anything. But as I gaze into her beautiful shimmering eyes, I know that this was exactly what I needed to do for both of us.

“Cal. You aren’t alone. I want you to know … that I do … Uhhh…” Her cheeks tinge pink. Is she blushing? Her hand comes up from her side and she slowly starts tracing my chest and abdomen. Her touch does things to me. It makes me want to devour her. Completely enthralled with the designs she is mapping out on my exposed skin, I almost forgot she was speaking. Not wanting to frighten her, I choose to lay there and let her be, enjoying that she is finally touching me.

“What I am trying to say is …. That I want you too?” I freeze. My body locks up. It needs to because all I want to do now is flip her on her back and show her why we are so good together. But it's way too soon. She doesn’t need me manhandling her … yet. This is what I have been waiting for. The sign that she is coming home, not just physically but her mind is healing and is accepting me.

Languidly pulling my hand out from behind my head, I wrap it around Ava to hug her to me, kissing her forehead. “Ava,” I whisper gruffly against her soft hair. “I’m glad.”

Wrapped around Ava, I don’t want to move. I lay here beside her, lazily running my hand down her back until I hear her soft snores. Thankfully, she finally falls back into a fitful sleep. She truly needs the rest. She needs to heal. I don’t move. I won’t move. She is allowing me to freely touch her. I feel as though today has been pivotal for us.

Staring out the window, enjoying the view and holding the most precious gift, I think how it can only get better from here. When the sun first peaked over the tall trees this morning, it felt like today would be a complete loss. Now, as those same trees are bathed in the light of the full moon, I want to crow to the stars about my victory.

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