Page 125 of The Ripper

I laughed.

I’d been thirteen at the time, and we were on vacation with our families on Guadalupe Island in Mexico, when Raul suggested we should see the water creatures in their natural habitat. He and Julio, unbeknownst to me, placed a bet against each other that I would be too afraid to enter that cage. My brother lost, but only because Raul knew how to manipulate me. He said we were going to watch sting rays and sword fish, not fucking sharks, and I, being rather naïve at that age, I believed him. Only when I found myself in an underwater cage, surrounded by dozens of Great Whites, did I realize I had been played.

Funny thing was, I wanted to do it again the next day, and that’s when Julio started calling me crazy.

“I remember you cheating,” Julio flipped him off.

“You’ve always been a sore loser,” Raul said, rolling his eyes. “A win is a win, no matter what methods you use.”

I laughed, remembering how easy it was to be around them, and for a brief moment, I felt like that happy teenager who got along with her older brother’s friends.

“I won’t try to run.” I looked up from my cup to look at Julio. “I’m sick of these stupid walls. I haven’t been at her grave in nine years, so unless I’m a prisoner here, let me go out.”

Julio’s jaw clenched, and I sighed audibly, shaking my head as I reached for the pack of cigarettes on the island. I lit one and stood up, then walked to the window.

“Fine,” he said through his teeth. “But I’m coming with you.”

I turned around so quickly that I grew dizzy, and I jumped into his arms without thinking much about it.

His arms tightened around me as they used to before, and I melted a little into my Julio’s embrace, because at that moment, he wasn’t the man who kidnapped me anymore, he was my brother. The same guy who used to put band aids on my knees. The same guy who taught me how to swim, ride a bike and who stayed up with me to help me finish my math homework.

The brother I used to love so much, and whom I had missed for far too long.

*

The air around me seemed to turn toxic as I walked among the tombstones towards my family’s crypt. Julio was a few steps behind me, silent as I gripped the bouquet of white lilies tighter in my hand.

When I stopped and ran my finger over the same engraved into the thick wooden door, sighing as I felt my eyes prick with tears.

“Could I be alone with her for a few minutes?” I asked, glancing at my brother over my shoulder, and he just nodded, kicking a stone on the pathway.

I slowly turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open, feeling the cool air inside brush over my bare legs as I entered. My hand flew up to my neck to clutch the cross pendant, and tears fell out when I realized that I had taken it off after Alana’s death and hadn’t put it back on since.

Stepping in front of her resting place, I took out the dried flowers from the vase and replaced them with the lilies, then pressed my palm against the stone wall and pushed my forehead against her golden name plate.

Reina AuroraSánchez.

“Hola,Mamá[20],” I whispered as I pushed off the wall and sat down on the stone floor, leaning my back against the candle table in the middle of the crying, looking up at her name. “I know it’s been a while since I came here.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, bringing my knees up to my chest. “You’re probably so disappointed in me right now, in how I left and tried to forget about you,” I continued, feeling the warmth of tears running down my cheeks. “No, you wouldn’t be, you were always too kind, too forgiving to hold my departure against me. God, how I wanted to be like you.”

I smiled bitterly, remembering what I wished for on the day that I had received my new paperwork. Warmth.

For a while, I had been exactly that.

Arella Santino had become the best lie ever told, but she was still a lie. A mask, hiding the truth within. She was so genuine, so caring and, oh, so forgiving. Arella saw the good in everyone, even through layers and layers of bad. She believed in second chances, in people being able to change, in healing and in God. Why did fate have to bring me back here? Why couldn’t I live my life without having to walk these grounds again? Why did I have to step back into Reina’s shoes? What was the point?

“I miss you so much,Mamá,” I whispered into the air. “I met someone, you know?” I toyed with my fingers, imagining Grimm was there with me. “I can’t know for sure if you would approve of him, but I think you would. He’s similar to Papá in so many ways, even if your husband refuses to see it.”

“He loves me how I always wanted to be loved, and I don’t know how long I can go on without him. It’s like I’m missing a piece of myself since I’ve been taken away from him, like my body is slowly dying without that piece.” I wiped the tears that fell, but they were quickly replaced by more.

My chin trembled, and I squeezed my eyes shut, bumping my head against the stone table.

God, why did it have to be so hard?

I raised my hand up to my throat, pushing my fingers over the spots he used to kiss, but I didn’t feel the pain of the marks anymore. They faded. Healed. His memory was gone from my skin as if it was never there, and I sobbed loudly as I grazed my fingers over my neck.

“I’m suffocating,Mamá. I don’t know what to do, and I wish you were here to help me. I wish you were here to help Papá see that Grimm is it for me, that there could never be someone else.”

My words came out slurred, distorted by the continuous sobbing and whimpering.

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