Page 10 of Operation: Integrity

Kelly closed her eyes and willed herself to come up with an answer. If only she’d trusted herself to come clean to Sam. If only she could go back in time and do things differently. “I didn’t go to him. This was my problem, not his. He’d told me he might be ring shopping, but until he did, I still had to answer for my own actions. And if I told him about all that was going on with me, he couldn’t have helped me and bought a ring. I thought the ring would solve my problems.”

Brendon nodded slightly, but didn’t press further.

“Nathan told me I only had to work for him for a short time, then I would be right back where I was. He told me the opportunity for making money was limitless if I would work for him. He was right, the opportunity was limitless. For him. I hated it and kept waiting for him to pay me. Before I knew it, Sam had disappeared, and the bank evicted me from my house.”

“And Nathan swept in to,” he held his hands up and made air quotes, “help you?”

Kelly nodded. “Yeah, since I was now homeless, he offered me an apartment, but my rent would have to come out of my pay. I asked him when I would see that pay.”

“Did he give you an answer?” Brendon’s brows rose.

Gullible again. She hadn’t asked for a contract or any kind of paperwork. Though, even then, she’d known Nathan wouldn’t stand to be tested. Asking questions was a bad idea. “No, not really. He told me I’d have to work for him for a time and when I was done, he’d put $50,000 in my bank account, which would more than pay for what I’d lost.”

Brendon’s face softened. “Clearly he didn’t understand what you’d lost.”

“I want to leave.” She couldn’t explain why, but having Brendon come close to understanding her was doing something akin to a nuclear meltdown inside her. Emotions swirling, she gripped the arms of the leather chair and couldn’t move.

“Why? Connor has offered to change who you’ll ride with and talk to daily. That should help you acclimate better to Wayside. I can understand how having someone help you who is innately more gruff might bother you. It won’t change the situation, but I can promise you that he would never lay a hand on you.”

That wasn’t much comfort since she’d tried to convince herself in the moment he wasn’t going to hit her, but her fear wouldn’t allow her to consider any other option. Her fight or flight reflex always slipped to flight, even when she hadn’t been allowed to flee.

Brendon went on, “Is there another reason you’d like to leave? There doesn’t have to be one, but I’m curious.”

Maybe, since he seemed to be angling for her feelings on Sam, she could use that to her advantage. Brendon would tell Sam all her flaws and to stay away. All she had to do was tell them the truth about why she wanted to leave. If she had to stay, she’d be safely awayfrom Sam, allowing him to go on with his life as he should have.

“It’s Sam. He had to come help me when I had trouble with Edwyn and I . . . felt something when he was near me. I felt safe. I have no right to feel anything for him or toward him. I know he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore, but I don’t want anything to grow between us because he deserves better than what I will ever have to offer.”

Brendon focused on her. “I know the pain you have is deep. There will always be a scar. You will probably never forget. But I can promise you that you have so much more value than you will ever know. I would normally never tell you to discount your feelings, but this case is different. Your feelings, in the case of your worth, are lies. Everyone has value. I hope you’ll see that soon, too.”

She shook her head, unwilling to change the conversation to herself again. “I don’t want Sam to get hurt. I don’t want to feel anything for him, and I don’t want him to feel anything for me.”

Brendon leaned forward and one side of his mouth quirked almost into a half smile. “What if Sam would agree to be your wrangler? No strings attached. He will promise to be here for you and stand back, letting you heal with someone you trust. Then he’ll let you go when you’re done.”

No one ever made promises without strings. Especially people with past hurts to protect. Not even Sam was that good. “He wouldn’t agree to that.” And if he did, it would be his training she saw. He wouldn’t be a protector anymore. Only cold comfort. That promise would kill her in that she would wonder if his kindness was simply the promise he’d made or genuine.

“He would. Every Wayside worker agrees to it with every single person who comes here. We all agree to help them learn where they fit into the grand scheme of this world, without us. The whole goal is to provide a safe place to heal and become the person you’re meant to be now.”

She couldn’t even picture that yet. It was so distant as to be almost unimaginable. To hear that some people made it to that point was promising, though. She said nothing in agreement, but Brendon reached for his cellphone and punched what had to be a text into it.

“Sam will be by shortly.”

She tensed and bit her lip. Connor had already come up with a solution. Would this make him angry? Would he think she’d gone behind his back? “Connor told me Junior would take over as my wrangler.”

“While I think that’s a suitable option and Junior wouldn’t say no, he needs time with his wife right now. When one of our guys is helping a guest, that’s a full-time commitment. Sam’s current client, Rebecca, is doing well and has formed a very good friendship with Gabby, Junior’s wife. I wouldn’t normally suggest switching wranglers, but in this case, I think it’s a good plan.”

Someone knocked on the door and Kelly fought the surge of sick in her stomach. She’d come to the office to get away from more time with Sam, and now she would be spending time with him daily. “This isn’t fair,” she whispered as Brendon beckoned Sam inside.

Sam came inside and sat in the chair next to her. “Is something wrong?” He glanced quickly at her, then at Brendon.

“Sam, thanks for coming so quickly. Kelly told me briefly about her situation yesterday. Thanks for comingto help her right away then, too. In talking with Kelly, we’ve come to the conclusion that—despite your past—I think it would be best if you would take over as her wrangler. Junior will take over with Rebecca. To do that, though. would require that you follow Connor’s rules to the letter.”

“You know I wouldn’t break Connor’s rules.” Sam’s voice was gruff, more unyielding than usual, and he didn’t look at her.

“Good.”

Sam sat back in his chair. “Why this sudden adherence to Connor’s rules? You’re usually the last one to press following them. Especially in this case, where my presence breaks one of them.” He laid his elbows on the arms of the chair and threaded the tips of his fingers together.

“I don’t disagree with the rules. I merely think the originals they are derived from are better. If you’d rather agree to follow those, I’m all for that.”

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