Page 100 of I Just Want to be Yours

I watch as the guys leave us and head toward the bar, and by the time I sense Rae’s eyes on me it’s too late. She caught me staring.

“Braden is a great guy,” she says, watching for my reaction.

I look back at the bar. Bradenisa great guy. He’s responsible, dependable, attractive, and he makes some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. But that’s all he is. Nothing about him sets my soul on fire. Part of me wishes I had the capacity to fall for someone like Braden, but I don’t think I do. Maybe one day when the wounds aren’t so fresh. “Yeah,” I agree. “He is.”

I look back at her, and she adds, “But so is Jackson.”

Hearing his name has my heart skipping a beat. The corners of my lips lift, but that’s as close to a smile as I can manage. “Yeah.” I glance at the bar to make sure the guys aren’t coming back before saying, “I’m surprised Matt doesn’t hate me.”

Her eyebrows crease. “Why would he?”

“For breaking up with his best friend? If he dumped you, I’d feel a certain way about it.”

Rae laughs. “Look, Matt and I talked about that as soon as you and Jackson got together. We’re all friends. It might be weird for a little while, but it will balance out.”

I try to imagine being Jackson’s friend. Will I ever be able to be in the same room as him without the air feeling charged? What about when he moves on? Will I be able to be around his future girlfriend? Just imagining him sitting on a couch somewhere with his arm around another girl has me feeling sick. And kissing her? And I’ll know they’re sleeping together.

A wave of nausea hits me. What if he’s sleeping with other girlsnow?I mean, he’s single. He can do what he wants . . . as a rockstar . . . in a successful band.

Oh god.

Rae’s eyebrows pinch. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I force a swallow because my mouth has gone dry. “I could just really use that drink.”

She eyes me warily. “Remember, if it gets to be too much, we can go.”

I shake my head, forcing myself to breathe through my nose. “It’s not too much.” I can’t be this fragile. I can’t let my self-sabotaging thoughts get to me.

Rae points over her shoulder. “I’m going to get you some water. I’ll be right back.”

I don’t even argue with her. I’m a wreck. I don’t have any business being out. I’m still in the wallowing phase. I should be somewhere that lets me wallow. Everything in me wants to unblock the American Thieves on social media so I can see what he’s been up to, but I know I shouldn’t. There’s a very real possibility that I could be faced with more pictures like the ones that started this in the first place, and I don’t have the stomach for it right now.

The song in the bar changes, and I stop breathing. I’d know that familiar tempo anywhere. It’s one of American Thieves’ most popular songs—usually the second to last song they play on tour. Dave’s voice comes through the speakers, and the familiar sound makes me homesick. Not for a place, but for a time, for what could have been, for a feeling.Remembering how it felt to stand at the side of the stage or in the front row while the band played hits me with a force so strong, my fingers grip the table edge in front of me like I might be blown away.

I’ve never heard their music played out in public before. Are they being played on radio stations now? Is the bar listening to them on a Spotify playlist? Either way, it’s a big deal. Between this and the headlining tour, I have to say something. Not congratulating him on something so big feels . . . wrong.

Before Rae can come back and talk me out of it, I pull out my phone and tap on Jackson’s name. My hands shake as I type out my message.

Margot:

The bar I’m in is playing one of your songs right now. This is huge, Jackson. Congratulations.

Explanation points felt weird, so I leave the message as is and press send.

I take a steadying breath, and my nerves immediately settle. Congratulating him was the right thing to do. I know it in my gut. And having that severed connection partially restored has the world feeling more balanced again, like it’s been off its axis, but now it’s shifting in the right direction.

“Here’s a water,” Rae says, setting a cup in front of me.

“And a cider,” Braden adds as he sets a glass on my other side.

I glance between the two of them with a light smile. “Thanks.”

Everyone takes their seats, and I take a sip of my water. Matt and Braden start talking about all the games they want to play while they’re here, and when Matt mentions Donkey Kong, I look over at Rae and laugh.

My phone lights up on the table, and my heart jumps intomy throat. Jackson’s name appears on the lock screen, and I can read the whole message without opening my phone.

Jackson:

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