Page 101 of I Just Want to be Yours

Thanks. That means a lot.

Something in me sinks. I should have known, right? I should have known he wouldn’t have more to say.

I deserve it.

And it’s probably for the best.

But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I take another deep breath and turn my phone over. That’s that, I guess. My cider suddenly sounds a lot more appealing than water, so I take a few not so delicate gulps.

My phone buzzes on the table again, and part of me doesn’t want to know. It’s probably a random notification, and I’ll just be disappointed. I leave it and try to focus on the conversation at the table in front of me.

Rae catches my eye and mouths, “You okay?” She points up, and follows it with, “The song.”

I nod and give her my best smile. “Thanks again for the water.”

My eyes wander to my phone again, my fingers tapping against the glass bottle covered in cool condensation. Temptation gets the best of me, and I quickly flip my phone back over to see Jackson’s first message, followed by a second. And as soon as I read it, I breathe a little easier.

Jackson:

How have you been?

57

jackson

This isthe most unconventional Thanksgiving I’ve ever had, and considering last year my dad kicked me out of the house before we got the chance to eat, that’s saying something. It’s been a year since I almost kissed Margot in Emmet’s old bedroom. One year since I reached my breaking point and needed to know if she felt the same.

Now I’m sitting in an RV with four other guys and a girl with pink hair, eating Chinese food and talking about all the ways we need to prepare for the next tour. It’s crazy how much my life has changed in just one year. Last year, this was my dream, and now my dreams are about to get even bigger.

“Mya, how’s Jackson’s acoustic video doing?” Brian asks between bites of lo mein. There’s something about seeing him, still dressed in a fucking suit with his tie slung over his shoulder but eating Chinese takeout from the box, that makes me like him that much more.

He was pissed at me when I postponed our studio time, but after a few days of giving me the cold shoulder, he’s back to treating me the same as before. Maybe it’s a Thanksgiving miracle.

Mya pulls out her phone to refresh the latest stats. “Good. We’re almost up to one million views, and since I teased in the caption that the single would drop in the coming weeks, everyone is commenting and asking where they can preorder. I’m redirecting traffic there.”

Mya. Mya is my Thanksgiving miracle. I’m pretty sure if it weren’t for her showing Brian the benefits of dragging out the hype, he’d still be delivering death stares. He was able to work it out and found a few days early in the next tour when we can go in and record. For now, we’ll play the song live at shows, and Mya will keep posting about it online.

Brian smiles at her update. He gives a curt nod of his head. “Keep it up.”

“And how’s operation Margot going?” Dave asks in all seriousness.

“I wouldn’t call it an operation. I’m just going to show up.” I shrug. “Maybe there’s some hope if I can see her face-to-face. She did text me last weekend when she heard one of our songs while she was out, so that’s good.”

“Does she know you’re coming?”

I take in a breath and shake my head. “Nope. I mean, that was the original plan, but I haven’t told her I’ll still be there.”

Dave nods. “Would she stay if she knew you were?”

Resting my elbows on my knees, I clasp my hands in front of my mouth and shake my head. “I don’t think so.” It stings to admit it out loud, but deep down, I know that’s why I haven’t told her. Last weekend, she said she wasn’t doing great. I already knew through Matt, but it was nice to hear it coming from her. I told her I missed her, she told me she misses me, too. I asked her if I could text her sometimes, and at first, she said she’d like that, but then she followed it by saying she didn’t know if it was a good idea.

I get it, she’s torn. But as much as I think she’d want to seeme, she’s always been a flight risk. She would be tempted to take the easy way out.

Dave’s smile is sympathetic, and he nods like he understands everything I’m not saying. Maybe he does. He gets Margot better than the other guys in the band.

Mya is on her phone again and doesn’t look up when she says, “I told him to bring her lots of flowers.”

---