Page 118 of Endgame

I open the door and only then do I see what’s on her delivery trolley. She places the boxes from my butcher, grocer and fishmonger on the kitchen counter before she asks me to sign. It’s a lot. It’s too much. I can’t. I feel my breathing quicken.

‘Are you all right, love?’ the kind lady says.

I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths and step towards her to take the clipboard. I sign quickly and escort her out before I can ask her to take it all back.

I leave everything where it is, return to the solace of the living room, climb on the couch, pull the throw over me, close my eyes and try to breathe through the anxiety of having to deal with the puzzle on my kitchen counter.

‘Hi.’ Caleb kisses me awake. ‘I’m sorry we were out so long. Lara wanted ice cream after I picked up some clothes from the flat and made me go all the way to Covent Garden.’

‘I have second-hand cravings.’ Lara smiles. ‘I picked up a couple of tubs of gelato for us.’

‘The best gelato place is literally here in Richmond.’

‘Not the same. My tastebuds are changing. It’s for sure Aari’s hormones.’ Lara smacks her lips a couple of times.

‘I’m sorry we missed the delivery. I called your guys and just asked them to repeat the last order. They were delighted you were back. The grocer gave you a free order and the butcher threw in a rib of beef on the bone, but your fishmonger was stingy?—’

‘Caleb, I can’t. It’s a little overwhelming and?—’

‘Aari, this food isn’t for us. You’re still struggling with most things that aren’t toast. I thought we could maybe cook something for the shelter together. If you don’t feel up to it, we can just take all the ingredients over tomorrow morning. No pressure, but I thought either way, we could go and say hello?’

The fact that he still cares about the shelter warms my heart.

‘Can I think about it?’

‘Of course. I’ll put it all away so it’s not staring at you.’ Caleb gives me a quick kiss on the forehead and walks to the kitchen. Watching him do his best, which is shoving things recklessly in the fridge, from the couch becomes too much to bear.

‘Wait.’

‘Huh? I’ve almost finished.’ Caleb turns round, looking proud of himself. Bless him.

‘Can I help?’ I leave the couch. Now that most things have been unpacked, it doesn’t seem so scary.

I spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning, cutting, packing, repackaging and labelling the items. Caleb sits attentively opposite me on the kitchen island with a pencil and paper, making a note of the combinations and potential recipe ideas I throw at him. We also make a list of staples we need, hit the supermarket app and place a delivery.

I manage to cook a few simple dishes with Caleb’s help, while Lara spends most of the afternoon trying to learn and record a social media dance to send to Honey. She doesn’t get good until she has had two big glasses of wine. I’m not ready to face the shelter yet, so Caleb runs the food over for me.

‘You know, just to be clear, I’m not saying that I was wrong about Caleb…’ Lara trails off.

‘But?’

‘I may have misjudged him the teeniest, tiniest bit. I swear, if you tell him, I will deny it and never speak to you again.’

‘Okay.’ I smile to myself. The revelation that Lara cares deeply about Caleb isn’t the news she thinks it is.

‘Basically, he can stay. I could tolerate him if he sticks around.’

‘Sure. Good to know.’

Just then, my phone vibrates.

It’s a text from Caleb.

Delivery done. Can I pick anything up for you on my way back?

‘Oooh! Tell him nothing. And then when he actually turns up with nothing, we can accuse him of neglect. Today has been too wholesome. I’m feeling toxic.’

Lara says ‘nothing’.

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