Page 113 of Endgame

It feels like I’ve been asleep for only a few minutes when Lara returns to poke the duvet.

‘Caleb is on the phone.’ I uncover my head and see her stretching the phone towards me. I reach my index finger out and hit the red phone icon to terminate the call, then bury my head again.

‘Fucking hell, Aari. You’re scaring the shit out of me. You’ve been in bed for three straight days,’ Lara shouts.

I wish I could make Lara feel better, but the darkness has won and I’ve never felt more lost.

I wake up when it’s dark, and feel my way through the unfamiliar path to the loo in the en suite. For the first time, I reach for the shower taps and turn them on. The comforting noise of water beating down on the shower tray calms me and I strip slowly. I relish the sharp, relentless stings of the high-pressure shower and take my time washing myself carefully from head to toe. When the water runs ice cold, I get out and wrap my body and hair in two towels. Lara at some point brought my suitcase up the stairs, so I fish around for my toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash. Once I’ve done my teeth, I descend the stairs and, guided by moonlight, find my way to the kitchen and help myself to the bread on the kitchen top. Deciding that I don’t have the energy to put any butter on it, I bite into a slice. It feels dry and unappetising, but I force myself to chew and swallow before I grab a bottle of water and drink the whole litre.

I’m too tired to climb the stairs, so I settle on a comfortable-looking couch in the living room and pull the throw over my towel and go to sleep.

‘Babe, can I make you some tea?’ I open my eyes to see Lara sitting by my feet on the couch.

‘No, but thank you, Lara.’

‘Aari…’ she pleads.

‘I just don’t want to do anything for a little while, that’s all.’

‘I understand that, but this is just frightening.’

‘I’m okay, Lara.’

‘You’re not. I’m this close to calling Jasper.’ She pinches her thumb and index finger. ‘But I’ve already voluntarily called him once and that’s enough for this decade.’ She chortles softly. ‘Caleb is on his way,’ she goes on. ‘He went straight to the airport after our last call. He should be landing soon.’

Dread fills me. Caleb comes with too much pressure. He’ll want to know what’s wrong. He’ll bring everything I left behind in Singapore with him in the form of fun breaking news, only I don’t want to hear it. He’ll want to know about the baby and I’ll have nothing to tell him. Then, he’ll start doing everything he can to try to fix it, when I just want to be left alone.

‘Lara, please can you find a way for him not to stay here?’

I see Lara’s expression change to one of annoyance.

‘What did that dolt do now?’

‘Nothing. I could just use some space. I don’t want him breathing down my neck about the baby.’

‘Ariella,’ Lara says slowly. ‘You do want this baby, right?’

‘I do.’

‘So, what are you finding difficult?’

‘Everything.’

THIRTY

CALEB

All I have been able to think about since I walked out of the office to catch the next available flight is everything I have put Ariella through since Melissa showed up in London over a year ago. I replay every moment I made things worse in my head, which coincided with Ariella doing her best to extinguish the fires I started. The last incident with Dominic was the worst. I was home free until I destroyed my own chances of being with my girlfriend and our child.

Thankfully, Ariella’s new home is in south-west London, a mere twenty-minute taxi ride away from Heathrow, and in no time I am pressing the doorbell.

Lara opens the door, pushes me back and steps outside, shutting it behind her.

‘Listen. I think she’s having some weird breakdown, but you have a role to play.’

‘I’m listening.’

‘No Singapore talk, no baby talk. For once I’m going to need you to channel vacuous, shallow Caleb and just be fun to be around – but not too much fun.’

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