Page 53 of For the Cameras

“I really want to.”

He clicked his tongue. “Trust me, you’ve given me a lot.”

“Not enough.”

Fire ripped through my chest, unbidden. I sat up on my knees, closing the distance between us and crushing my lips to his again. I wasn’t thinking properly, but the problem was that I didn’t care to try right now.

He breathed out, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close.

Was he finally givinghimselfpermission?

“Adam,” he said softly.

“I know it’s not serious,” I finally said, trying to let him know I wasn’t getting carried away. “I know you don’t want… more. But don’t you want to come?”

His breath near my mouth was irresistible. His fingers gripped the small of my waist as he paused for a moment.

“Of course I want to come. Filming you turned me on so fucking much.”

“Then let yourself,” I said softly, leaning in to kiss below his ear.

“God, you feel good,” he murmured, squeezing his fingers harder around my waist. “I knew you would, when I watched your videos. But it’s even better than I imagined.”

“Can’t believe someone like you thought about me at all,” I said, leaning in to press another kiss to his lips before leaning back again, looking in his eyes.

“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean,” he said, looking from my eyes to my lips and back again. “You’re a catch. Beyond a catch. Successful, smart, and you look like Superman. I’m just a wild, hopeless artist who happened to land a job where I can stand behind a camera all day.”

It blew my mind that he would think he wasn’t a catch.

Chase was so dynamic. He said whatever he wanted to say, did whatever he wanted to do, and was so much more interesting than anyone I’d ever met. So colorful, in the most beautiful way.

I was just a lonely guy who liked numbers.

“I might be a catch on paper, but I’m a mess when I have to interact with anyone,” I said. “You know that, firsthand.”

“If you’re a mess then I think I like messes,” he murmured, reaching a hand up to run his fingers through my hair, giving it a little tug.

I sighed, leaning into his touch. A question probed at the edges of my mind, and I couldn’t help but give it voice.

“If I wasn’t drunk at your house the other night, would you have hooked up with me?”

He paused, thinking for a moment. “Probably not.”

My chest sank. I pulled back, furrowing my brow. “What? Really?”

He shrugged. “Just telling you the truth. I don’t hook up with people unless I have a clear signal from them.”

“Clear signal, meaning…”

He held my gaze. “Needed to know you actually wanted it.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Bullshit. You could tell I wanted it.”

He nodded slowly, taking one of my hands in his and lacing his fingers through mine. “I also needed to know you would even want to hook up with someone who is basically incapable of a real relationship.”

It was the first time I’d seen Chase look unsure of himself.

I watched the most confident person I’d ever met turn wary, watching me like he was afraid of how I might react.

---