Page 36 of For the Cameras

“All I meant was that I’m not going to find real love through uploading videos,” I said. “Just anonymous attention.”

Chase paused for a moment, breaking eye contact with me. I wasn’t sure if I’d said something to put him off, or if he was just so uninterested in the concept of commitment that he didn’t know what to say.

He pulled in a breath. “I’m sure you’ll find true love one day, if that’s what you want.”

I waved my hand through the air. “Just forget I said anything about that.”

“No, no,” Chase said. “Nothing wrong with it. It’s not for me, but it can be for you. Guess we both like the other kind of attention, though.”

As I caught Chase’s eye my thoughts flashed to my private message exchange with him over the past few days. I was pretty sure he was thinking about it, too.

“Want to know a secret?” he asked.

I rubbed my palms over my face. “Please. Anything to get my mind off of things.”

When I looked back up at him, he was giving me a caring look. “I just wanted to tell you that I actuallylikeyour awkwardness.”

I felt a heat creeping onto my cheeks. “No you don’t.”

“I really do, though,” he said. “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but it’s actually charming.”

I buried my face in my palms again. “Stop it,” I groaned.

To be honest, I didn’t want him to stop. Not even a little bit.

“Like this. Right now,” Chase said. I heard him shifting on his seat. “I know you’re blushing, and you’re trying to cover it up. It’s cute.”

“I feel pathetic,” I said, letting my hands drop and making eye contact with him.

“You’re not pathetic. You’re really fucking hot, Adam. And it doesn’t matter if you know that or not, because it’s the truth.”

It felt like his eyes may as well have been burning a line directly into my soul. My cock was responding every time I looked at Chase. I couldn’t look away, and I felt like Ihadto look away.

I stood up like I was shaking myself out of a trance, and I walked the short distance to the edge of the balcony. I leaned on the railing, looking out at the night again.

Chase appeared beside me a moment later and instantly I felt all of my senses heighten. Having anyone close to me always made me alert, but withhim, it was a whole different ball game. My instincts wanted things that my brain couldn’t wrap itself around. I shifted on my feet, trying to remember how to act normal.

But all I could think about was our messages.

“Did you really mean the things you said to me?” I asked. “Online, I mean.”

“Meant every word,” Chase said.

“All of those comments you always left even before you ever met me in real life…” I said, not even knowing where I was heading with the statement.

Chase had been supportive online for months. It wasn’t just a person being nice to try to be polite—he was into my stuff way before he had a clue who I was.

“My relationship to your videos has been more consistent than any relationship I’ve had in real life, if you want an embarrassing truth from me,” Chase said.

I furrowed my brow. “I assumed you would have had tons of relationship experience.”

He shook his head. “I’ve had a lot of… flings. Short-term situationships. Hookups, mostly. I used to hope that certainrelationships might lead to more, but in the last few years, I’ve kind of decided to stop trying for anything like that.”

“Why?”

“It only led to disappointment,” he said. “It’s a lot easier to just look for hot hookups. Then it hurts a lot less when the guy ghosts me, you know?”

I couldn’t imagine anyone ghosting Chase.

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