Page 35 of For the Cameras

“Shut up. I hate you,” I said, pushing my palms against my eyes. “No. I don’t hate you. I like you, actually, probably way more than I should, and… fuck, now I’m rambling and I’m actually starting to get drunk.”

Chase let out a sweet laugh that floated down toward the street. “I like you, too,” he said. “We don’t have to talk about it now. But trust me when I say it would be a dream come true. Hang on, I’m going to get you a glass of water.”

He disappeared inside and for a moment I was left alone with my thoughts. It was disorienting to realize that in the time since realizing Chase knew my secret, I’d only started to rapidly feelmorecomfortable around him, not less.

What the fuck was that about?

Should I have been spending my life trying to bemoreof a freak around people instead of always trying to blend in? Or was Chase really just someone special, who could make anybody feel like they belonged?

He reappeared on the balcony a minute later with a tall glass of water and a bowl full of cut up watermelon.

“That looks so good right now,” I said.

“All yours.”

I reached for a piece of watermelon and popped it in my mouth, the cool sweetness hitting my tongue. “Now that’s the good kind of childhood memory. Me, outside in my parents’ backyard, reading a book in summer with a bowl of watermelon.”

He sighed. “You were reading books by the pool as a kid, while I was busy trying to call every kid in my neighborhood and ask if they’d go to the beach with me.”

“The beach?” I asked, eating another piece of watermelon.

He nodded. “I grew up in a small beach town in California.”

“Sounds really nice.”

“Stellara Beach was pretty damn poor when I was growing up, but now it’s being turned into fancy-shmancy gyms and restaurants just like the rest of the coast. My mom and my brother Jamie still live there.”

“So it was tough, but beautiful,” I said. “I always wished I had a beach nearby growing up.”

I made eye contact with Chase, watching the glow of the street highlight his features. A wave of affection for him crashed down on me like a waterfall, all at once.

He was beautiful. Inside and out. And while I expected to feel embarrassed looking in his eyes, instead I realized all at once that we were sitting here having one of the smoothest conversations ever, when five minutes ago I’d been ready to metaphorically toss in the towel for the rest of my life.

He knew me.

Actuallyknew me.

And he still wanted to talk with me like this, about anything and everything.

Sure, I was getting rapidly drunk, too, but I also felt like I’d finally cracked through a glass wall that had been in front of me for almost my entire life. Being myself around another person, and feeling good about it. A fuckingmiracle, as far as I was concerned.

“I swore I thought I was the only gay kid in my hometown for a couple of years,” Chase was saying, seemingly unaware that I felt like I’d just emerged as a butterfly from a lifelong cocoon.

“I thought I was the only bisexual guy in college,” I told him. “Gay guys were hard enough to find, and they didn’t seem interested in me.”

Chase rolled his eyes. “I guarantee that every single gay guy at your college would have begged to be in your bed.”

“Not exactly,” I said. “That’s another thing I loved when I started uploading to OnlyShots, honestly. Attention from guys, without having to deal with all of the awkwardness I have in real life.”

Another thing that I would have been embarrassed to admit until now.

“You like attention from guys, huh?” he asked softly.

“Too much,” I admitted. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to find what I really want through my OnlyShots videos, but it’s still fun.”

He lifted an eyebrow, his striking eyes dancing across my face. “What do you mean by that? What is it that you really want?”

It was as if he was a beacon for my cock, even when he was just asking me simple questions.

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