Page 108 of Power Play

One with me seeing Tess more often, once a week, maybe hanging out a little more when it worked out. If Janice needed to take another assignment somewhere. She’d be mine, but in secret.

And never seeing Kit again. Ever.

I had hockey. Another Stanley Cup. The adulation of millions. I’d have a bigger role with my team and maybe become a broadcaster when my body finally gave out.

My entire life would be smooth and easy and casual.

The other future had Tess in my life in a bigger, more established way.

I’d have to confront Janice. Figure out why she’d done what she’d done. Find a way to move past the betrayal. Then what? I don’t know, maybe Janice and I try and figure out how to be parents. Is that together? Is it apart? Is the right thing to try and make it work with Janice? Or do we go to court and establish rules. Did we try this separately? Could I have a relationship with Tess and still have Kit in my life?

I saw Kit and me in my house in Portland. I saw her going to school to be a teacher and us looking after Tess all the time. I saw vacations and weekends and helping Tess with homework and her having slumber parties with all of her friends. I saw helping out Janice so she wasn’t all alone raising Tess.

I saw a family.

But I also saw hard conversations and maybe legal battles. I saw hurt feelings and promises that might be really hard to keep. I saw feeling everything everyone felt all the time and not being able to stop people from being hurt.

Nothing would be casual. Not one thing.

It was terrifying.

“If you want to leave today, I get it,” I said, and she took a giant gasp of air and reeled backwards. “What? It’s inevitable, isn’t it? It’s what you said, putting us out of our misery. Go. Be free, Kit. Head on back to your life.”

She blinked and turned away. I knew she was gathering herself and I hated that I’d hurt her, but wasn’t this better? Easier? For everyone.

When she turned back, her eyes were red and she kept wiping away tears. “It’s not your job to make sure no one feels any pain,” she said. “It’s okay for you to be happy even if it means it’s uncomfortable for someone else.” She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes again. “I’ll pack up and when Tess wakes up I’ll tell her I have to go home.”

“Where will you go? Back to Ms. Rene? The money you gave me, I’m giving it all back. It will help.”

She shook her head. “I won’t be your friend, Liam. I’m hurt and you can’t make that go away.”

“We can talk later, when we’re not so-”

“No. I’m not going to come and water your plants,” she snapped. “I’m not going to become your personal Instacart and I won’t babysit Tess when you have her for the occasional weekend. If you want to end this, we end this.”

We just kept trading body blows. It was awful. I never fought with anyone like this except my brother. I didn’t want to make her cry. I didn’t want to feel hurt by what she thought of me.

“What are you talking about?” Tess’s little voice asked from the screen door that we didn’t make sure was shut. Shit. Fuck.

She stood there, pale and still wearing her pajama shirt covered in blood.

Kit stared at me as if to see what I was going to do. So, I did what I always did. Smoothed things over. Made things better.

“Come on, T-rex, let’s go change into clean pajamas.”

“No,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “What are you talking about? I heard you.”

I couldn’t look for help from Kit, she’d made it clear she wasn’t going to be a part of this. “We’re talking about how your mom is going to be here soon. She’s coming home early,” I said, distracting her with the big guns. Her face lit up and then fell, her lips curved down in a tight line.

“Can I talk to my mom?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Of course.” We should have done that right away but I was avoiding the conversation I did not want to have. “Let’s go on in and see if we can FaceTime her.”

Tess and I went back inside and I shot one more look over my shoulder at Kit. Who watched us with tears in her gunmetal gray eyes.

What she didn’t understand now, but maybe would later, was that I was just trying to make this easier for her. Setting her free to get on with her life that she’d already put on hold because of what her father had done to her. She didn’t need to wait to see what kind of fallout she would have to deal with from my life going sideways.

“I know you don’t believe this, but I’m doing this for you,” I said to her.

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