Page 22 of Yours, Truly

“It's just a nip, it's fine,” I smiled as I nodded for her to carry on.No need to worry. I tried to keep myself composed and upright, feeling queasy at the sight of the blood. Nate stepped to my side, opening the first aid kit on the draining board, unpacking the contents, trying to find a plaster. I watched as his hands fumbled as he gently took my wrist, the wrist with his bracelet still in place. I hadn’t taken it off since he put it on. His eyes met mine in admiration before he placed some paper towels over the cut.

“I can do it,” I said softly, trying to pull away from his touch.

“Let me,” he said in a subtly dominant tone that I knew not to argue with. I didn’t want to cause a scene. My breathing hitched after his eyes dropped to inspect the cut. I watched him concentrate as he dabbed the wound assessing the depth. The nausea subsided as I focused on him, he somehow kept me grounded.

“Nate has always been good at first aid. He wanted to be a doctor,” Ivy chimed at the memory. “He always had to bandage my cuts and bruises but also his own after the number of fights he got in.” Nate laughed sarcastically at her dig, not taking his eyes off my finger.

“Blood makes me squeamish,” I sighed, seeing a bit of the red liquid squirt out. The colour drained from my skin and the nausea returned. Nate fixed the plaster on as quick as he could, noticing my complexion and sensing the threat of my legs buckling under me any second, like a black fog was going to overtake me. Ivy danced out the room to set the table while Nate fixed me up.

“There…good as new,” he smiled, kissing the plaster. He guided me to the kitchen island to take a seat as he fixed a glass of water. I didn't protest, I didn’t have the strength, I just prayed I wasn’t going to embarrass myself and pass out. My head began to spin, I took some deep breaths, closing my eyes until I felt fine. Nate’s hand rested on my lower back, his eyes full of worry, full of…something.

Nate taking care of me made my heart flutter. Maybe I wasn’t reading too much into this.

Thank you,” I whispered, “so you wanted to be a doctor?” I tried to focus on anything else but the butterflies and nausea.

“For a while, yeah,” he chuckled, running his hands through his hair, seemingly embarrassed by his confession, like it was something to be ashamed of, "but my Dad wanted me to be a lawyer. So, here we are.” He shrugged as if the memory was painful.

There was something underlying there and maybe that’s what caused the awkward rift between them.

“So…You got into a lot of fights?” I asked amused, trying to lighten the conversation. It did the opposite. His eyes darkened as he gripped the kitchen counter at my question. Not wanting to look at me, his knuckles turned white and I felt as if I had crossed a line. I watched him trying to work out if he was going to answer or hide from me. He swallowed the lump in his throat before turning away from me to continue whisking his mixture, a lot more frustrated than before, despite it not needing anymore mixing. Like he was avoiding something. Ivy came in, taking my attention away from Nate.

“A lot,” Ivy admitted, answering my question that she’d clearly overheard, “but they weren't his fault,” she added quickly.

“Ivy!” He scolded his sister as he threw the bowl down and stormed outside into the open grounds. Ivy apologised that I had to witness his outburst. I shrugged it off as if it was nothing.

I helped her grab glasses from the cupboard, eying Nate out the corner of my eye as he paced the garden, anger consuming him, guilt and shame creeping up on him too.

“Nate's been through a lot, he’s not a bad person, just deeply troubled,” she justified his outburst. “Anyway, Jude should be back with my parents soon.” She smiled softly, trying to change the subject as I watched Nate out the kitchen window calm himself down before he returned inside.

The food was incredible, Ivy had sat me between Nate and his Dad.Another sign from the damn universe. The tension between the two of them made me feel awkward and it added to my already existing anxiety. Carol was the other side of Nate and the opposite end of the table to Mark. Ivy was opposite me, Jude beside her. Carol gave so much attention to Nate that it was obvious it had been a while since he had spent Christmas with them. I knew there was more to the story but after asking about the fights earlier it was better to leave it be.

I was faced with the reality that in fact I knew nothing about Nate, only surface shit but none of the deep stuff. So how could I have all these feelings when I didn’t really know who I was having feelings for?

Jude and Ivy had small intimate conversations, looking as loved up as the first day they fell in love. Mark was silent, drinking his wine and watching his wife and daughter with so much pride. But when his attention was on Nate it was emotionless, resentful and unrecognisable.

“So, Gi, how are things with you?” Carol asked as she cut her potato, after finishing her conversation with Nate.

“Yeah, all good, thank you. Work’s been busy,” I replied, taking the mouthful of food off my fork.

“And dating, anything new?” She pried, my heart leapt in my chest.

“No, nothing new,” I smiled softly, keeping it brief. I didn’t technically lie; Nate and I weren’t dating, he made that completely clear a couple days ago. Nate’s hand made its way to my thigh under the table, taking me by surprise, I had to stop myself from reacting. I looked towards Ivy who was smirking at me like she knew something.

“I wouldn't saynothingnew.” Ivy chucked, lifting the glass of wine to her lips testing me. Nate's hand squeezed harder; I cleared my throat as I felt his hand tighten, turning to stone. The feeling of jealousy radiating off him.

My breathing felt a little unstable with the topic of conversation but also from Nate’s touch. It was becoming overwhelming. Carol looked between Ivy and me waiting for one of us to break.

“I'm just saying, I came to yours a couple weeks ago and you had…company,” Ivy chimed, her eyes not leaving my face, trying to intimidate me before she raised her hand in defence. Jude smirked, looking in my direction and I rolled my eyes. Carol looked interested. Nate’s hand relaxed as he realised Ivy was talking about him and not someone else. Like I would even have the time to see someone else when I spend most of my free time with him, and at work the other part of my days.

He slowly traced circles on my bare skin under the hem of my dress. This was a bold move on Nate’s part to touch me under the table with his family present, less possessive but rather more of a reassurance for himself.

“Ivy, it was a one-time thing. I’m not dating. If I was, you would be the first to know.” I felt a little uncomfortable and agitated that this was becoming every conversation with everyone, that my worth seemed to be determined by my dating life. I also felt bad for partially lying to my best friend. She knew I was hiding something. Nausea consumed me and I was finished with my food so I excused myself to use the bathroom. I needed to compose myself, to take back control, to remove this sick feeling in my stomach before returning to the group, hoping the conversation had changed.

When I came back to the table, the atmosphere had shifted. It felt more awkward and I wondered what I had walked into. Ivy’s eyes met mine, Jude had his arm around her. Mark’s expression towards Nate wasnotwelcoming. I was the buffer between them and with me leaving the room there was nothing to stop them from fighting. I took my seat, not sure what I was putting myself in the middle of.

Nate looked uncomfortable, visibly tense and Mark looked hostile. He whispered something under his breath catching Nate's attention and so it began.

“Dad, please.” Ivy said softly, on the verge of tears, as if she knew something was about to happen. Like this was the usual set up that stopped Nate from spending time with them. Worry filled her eyes as she looked between the two of them. I didn’tknow how deep this rift ran, but I was about to find out.

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