Page 17 of Yours, Truly

“Sure, text me.” She smiled, just about to turn away before turning back to say “And can I just say, I'm proud of you. Now go get him.” She squealed and ran off down the hallway. The excitement in her voice over her discovery made the guilt within me rise. I closed the door behind her and rested my head against it. Anxiety built up in my stomach, settling gently as Nate wandered into view, a towel around his waist displaying his gorgeous chiselled body.

“Who was that?” He asked as he scouted for his clothes scattered around my living room.

“Ivy” I groaned, slowly peeling my head off the door to face him. Nate chuckled. “It's not funny, Nate.” He carried on and shrugged it off like it was nothing. Not a big deal to him that his sister almost caught us together. It frustrated me that he was so chill about this.

“Well then, we've got to be a little more careful.” His eyes darkened, as if the thought of danger had set a fire in him. He strolled over to me, grabbing the hem of the shirt, fiddling with it.

“You look so hot in my shirt." He tugged on it, pulling me to his freshly showered body so I could feel his length pressed against my stomach under the layers between us. He continued to check me out as his eyes roamed my upper body, watching my nipples peek through the shirt. The hunger within him as he subtly licked his lips to show he craved me.

“Don't change the subject,” I said breathlessly, with a little agitation in my voice. He made me flustered but he also gotunder my skin for how he could try and seduce me in a more serious moment. The feel of him against me turned me on.

“I thought you liked a little danger. We could stop this if you like.” He playfully teased his eyes over my lips, his fingers running over the collar and down towards the open gap that gave a peak to my cleavage.

“We are two consenting adults…” he said as he opened the button, exposing my torso, my breath skipping a little. “…having a little harmless fun…” he kissed my neck “...we're not hurting anyone.” He smirked and ran his hand down my arm until he grabbed my hand, guiding it to his bulge beneath the towel.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.,” I whispered, battling with what I knew was the right thing to do after being almost caught by Ivy. But even though it was wrong it also felt so right. Catching my breath, I caressed him, my actions betraying my words. Nate relaxed into me, towering his arm above my head on the door behind me, his eyes not leaving mine as he enjoyed my touch. I studied him carefully, soft moans escaping his mouth as I picked up the speed, his eyes closing and head rolling back.

I could feel him getting close as he gently grunted and I felt him pulsing under my hand. He abruptly stopped my hand, just as he was about to release. He removed my hand from him and moved away, a chuckle escaped him.

He’s playing you.Is this really worth it Gi? It’s always on his terms. Or he does this to avoid conversations. The voice in my head screamed loudly at the red flag walking across my living room. It pulled me back to reality.

“Really?” I scolded, annoyed with the way he could switch on and off again. Use me whenever he wanted and toss me to the side when he didn’t want me.

“Got a problem, sweetheart?” His tone was flat as he pulled his trousers on, not taking his eyes off me, surprised by my tone.

“It's always on your terms! It’s giving me whiplash, this hot and cold bullshit.” I crossed my arms over my chest, fed up with the way he was acting around me.

“Shirt, please.” He held out his hand, curling his fingers repeatedly to gesture, like I was a child and he was waiting for me to give it to him, not saying another word.

I sighed, taking the shirt off and throwing it at him with force. My blood boiled as I stood there naked, apart from shorts, feeling not only physically exposed but emotionally too.

“Sometimes you're a real selfish bastard, Nate!” I spat. He had pissed me off. His eyes immediately turned dark. It was an emotion I hadn’t seen. Not a lustful darkness but more of an agitated darkness. He put on his shirt as if I was no longer in the room.So childish.

Sighing, I marched to my bedroom to at least put a top on and go about my day. If he wanted to act like that then he could but I wasn’t going to be a part of his tantrums. Nate stopped me, grabbing my wrist with more than a playful force and pushed me up against the wall, knocking some air from my lungs. He held my hands above my head with one of his and his other, he placed delicately under my chin forcing me to look at him.

“Watch your tone,’ he scolded, his words dripping with anger. His face was so close to mine, an intimidation tactic and it worked. His tone scared me shitless, so much that my anger retreated, instead it made me want to cry.

“Don't you ever speak to me like that again,” he softened, as he pushed off me and stepped back. Another flip of his switch, a complete contrast to his previous sentence less than ten seconds ago.

I tried to catch my breath, fear and adrenaline filling my body at his behaviour. I had never been treated like that; it took me by surprise. He had never been that forceful, not even when we were exploring. My eyes watered and I couldn't hold that back.

“You can see yourself out,” I whispered, as a tear fell down my cheek. I held my arms across my body protectively, not meeting his eyes, before slowly backing away to lock myself in my bedroom until he left.

“Gi,” his tone more remorseful now, as if the aggression that struck moments ago hadn’t happened. I ignored him, shutting the bedroom door behind me and turning the lock. I waited for the sound of the front door to close behind him before I took a breath, tears falling, and I left my safe space.

I fell to the floor, curling myself into a ball, head in my hands before feeling a slight tingle on my wrist, a thin red mark cuffed it; like a bracelet. Reality sunk in that I didn’t know him, not really, and whateverthatwas, I wasn’t going to put up with it.

I guess this morning was a close call in more ways than one. I had never been affected like this and the murky water wasclearing. It was like he had this aura around him that pulled me in and blinded me to reality but as soon as he left the water was crystal clear to see the truth. But I missed him already. There must be some kind of trauma hidden there for a man to not want to do relationships, always having to be in control or display short bursts of uncontrollable anger. I wanted to ask Ivy, I needed to know what made Nate, Nate. But now, instead of being able to ask my best friend for advice, I was hiding stuff from her when we used to share everything, it made things so much harder.

That evening, I met Ivy for a drink as promised. After Nate left, I’d spent the afternoon looking through the file she had given me. We talked through the options she had pulled, keeping me up to date with her visions. I was quieter than usual, which Ivy noticed, but she didn’t press with any questions about earlier. Ivy talked a lot and, in a way, I welcomed it so I could just drink and be with my thoughts. It was so hard to focus on Ivy and her wedding when all I could think about was the Nate situation. His actions towards me, the fear that I felt.

I kept picturing his eyes, the anger that flared; It was something dark, dangerous, a warning. Maybe it was something I said, but that shouldn’t have resulted in his actions. His behaviour was not justifiable. He was a real arsehole in that moment and I wasn't going to change my mind. He hurt me. He could come to me and apologise; there was no way I was going to be treatedlike that.

I felt bad that I wasn’t being a great friend to Ivy right now and even though I didn’t regret my choices it made them harder to live with. Ivy needed to be my priority and this wedding needed to be too. I needed to get through today and then pull myself together; I needed my best friend and I needed to be hers.

I wanted to tell her everything but I knew Ivy finding out the truth would hurt her.

We're not hurting anyone. Nate’s words rang in my mind and I wished I could tell him how wrong his statement was. We would be hurting the one person who we both loved so dearly. Today was the wake up call I had needed. It wasn’t real, none of it. The only real thing here was my friendship with Ivy and that was something I wasn’t willing to give up for anyone. I had my fun, let off some steam but I wasn’t going to be his play thing. I wasn’t going to be his emotional outlet. He would have to find someone else.

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