Page 18 of Yours, Truly

14

THE APOLOGY

On Saturday, a couple of days had passed since my outburst with Nate. That night, after Ivy left the bar, I got incredibly drunk by drowning my sorrows and then spent the next day throwing up so much that I hadn’t returned to work. I had lied and told them I was sick, that I needed the whole 48 hours off for the stomach bug, which gave me time to get my head together for the following week. I felt bad as I never called in sick to work and especially not because of drinking too much.

I cleaned the apartment after the smell of tequila filled my bathroom and I decided to move my rooms around giving it a fresh new look and to also deep clean my apartment to get rid of any traces of Nate, or his cologne on my pillows. I had kept my side of my promise to myself. I hadn’t contacted him or even responded to his messages. He had left me quite a few with massive apologies about the way he was and it was something he was working on. I also didn’t respond to the flirtatious ones he sent when he felt lonely before bed, I wasn’t going tojust be his fix.

Not taking a hint Nate decided to call round my apartment to apologise in person, rather than continuing lamely by message, which I clearly wasn’t accepting. It may have worked with other women but it wasn’t going to work with me.

I invited him in to see what he had to say but made sure I kept my composure. I wasn't going to give in, I was going to stand my ground. At first, he tried to open with a playful comment to lighten the situation so when that failed, he began a speech similar to the one he had messaged me; about his behaviour and how sorry he was that he had hurt me. It was going to take a lot more than just an apology.

That’s when he presented me with a gift that took me by surprise, this wasn’t something I was expecting but I wasn’t going to let him buy my forgiveness. The guilt on his face was like that of a puppy who peed on the rug knowing he had been bad. I took the tiny red velvet box, wondering what the hell could be inside. My eyes met his, confused as he encouraged me gently, to open it. I was met with a dainty silver tennis bracelet, lined with pink diamonds.It took my breath away and my eyes widened at how beautiful it was. It glistened in the natural sunlight.This is too much.He’s buying me.No one buys an apology gift that expensive.

“I can't accept this,” I said flatly, closing the lid before handing it back to him. He held his hands up, not willing to take it back.

“You can, it's an apology,” he smiled softly, as if this was completely normal in his world of money. “I crossed a line and my actions were unacceptable.”

I studied his face, he was serious, this was a sincere apology present.Gi, just shut up and take the damn thing.

I nodded softly as I accepted his token. He removed the bracelet out of the box. “May I?” he asked, signalling to my left arm, as he remembered it was the one he grabbed a little too tightly.

Hesitantly, I lifted it out towards him. He placed the bracelet and fastened the clasp, spinning it round to sit in the perfect spot. He gently raised my wrist and planted a soft kiss on the slight mark still present. This was a tender interaction, which only made me cautious about his motives, this was too intimate for him.

“Thank you,” I said, finally, as he released his lips from my skin but still kept eye contact with me.

“Gi, you were right. I was being a…bastard. I just hope you can forgive me;. I will continue to make this up to you and this willneverhappen again. We might have started out as a one-night stand but I feel like we are friends now and I hurt you. You called me out…and I kind of like that about you,” he confessed. “Can you forgive me?”

“Mmmm" I playfully teased making him wait it out. Playful was our thing, banter was our thing, and I knew right now the ball was in my court. Hehadapologised many times and he was here, which judging by the man I thought he was a couple days ago, he wouldn’t have come back to apologise. Something seemed to have changed within him.

Did I know if this would happen again? No. But did I want to throw away something amazing over one mishap? No.

Maybe I was stupid or naïve or in way over my head with him but people make mistakes. I know I’d made my share of them, and I wasn’t trying to justify or accept his actions but his apology was the start.

“Yes, I forgive you and not just because of this beautiful bracelet but because the sex is amazing and I'm not ready to give that up,” I teased, trying to keep the situation light, as we usually did when things got heavy. He breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

“Same. Let’s make an agreement. It’s onbothour terms,” he proposed, taking me by surprise once more. I agreed with a warm smile, he had listened to me and in that moment, warmth filled the room.

Nate was showing a completely different side to him today, he was keeping me on my toes. He closed the gap between us, looking into my eyes and gently planting a kiss on my lips, deepening it a little. He never just kissed me unless we were going to make out and sex was on the table. No, this time was different, it wasn't a passionate, sexual kiss but more affectionate, a kiss of appreciation.

He slowly pulled back gazing into my eyes and caressing my cheek. As if composing himself, he cleared his throat stepping back quickly before removing his hand from me as if I'd burnt him. A little uncharacteristic but I shrugged it off. What mattered was he had listened to me, took it on board and owned up to hisactions.

“See you around,” he smiled, as he rushed out my door, leaving a tingling imprinton my lips.

15

THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

The dynamic between Nate and I had shifted. It was hard to explain. We were still secret friends with benefits but we hung out a lot more together, like a natural flow in our weird little arrangement. It was as if we were dating but we weren’t.

He would pick me up for a late-night drive sometimes. We could drive around for hours, listening to music, chatting and grabbing some food. Other times we got dressed up and hung out at some bars to drink and dance, especially if one of us was having a shitty week. It would always start innocently, then end up in a steamy scenario but now, the sex was different, not predictable, and he sometimes didn’t mind me taking control.

We texted more about our days or sent random gifs. Even the eye contact or his touch was a little different than before, but I wondered if that was me reading too much into it.

Maybe after the incident and the fact that he hurt me, he was being careful, gentler and maybe I wanted to imagine that we were normal, that maybe Natediddo relationships. I would sometimes catch his eyes when we met with Ivyand Jude for more wedding meetings, and I would see a glint in his eyes, mirroring my own, knowing what we shared in private.

It was a few days before Christmas and Nate had invited me to join him running errands for Ivy as she was a little unwell and wanted to rest before she hosted Christmas. Jude was away with work and would fly home Christmas Eve before returning to work in the New Year. That was the perk of most office jobs; we would have the week off between Christmas and New Year, get shit faced and hang out with our loved ones. Only this year was different, Nate was around a lot more. Before it would just be me, Ivy and Jude while Carol and Mark took their annual holiday, seeing in the New Year in another country, always flying out on Boxing Day.

Despite telling me he needed to run errands, Nate dragged me to London's biggest Christmas Market, Winter Wonderland. It was full of stalls, bars, street food, rides and an ice rink. It was the perfect place to pick-up old-fashioned homemade Christmas decorations. Nate revealed yet another side of him; his Christmas spirit. He was like a kid, so excited by all things Christmas. The place was gigantic, packed with people in all corners. We squeezed past the crowds of people as they queued. This wasn’t my idea of fun; Christmas and queuing. However, I didn’t want to miss a chance to spend the day with Nate.

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