Page 67 of First Comes Forever

Then again, how can I say I care about this woman and watch as her heart breaks like this? I squeeze the pickle and cringe when I hear the loud moan it makes. It sounds more like a tortured wail than a playful squeak. What a weird baby toy.

I’ll buy her better ones.

Fuck it. I’ll do even better. I’m going to buy her a chance at motherhood.

* * *

amani

Judging by the loud Eeyore-like wail from the kitchen, Adam found my emotional support pickle. I chuckle to myself, jostling the mattress, which has once again deflated a little. I wonder what he’s thinking. It’s a gift he’d only understand if he met Addie. She’s all about embracing the random, sentimental moments. My random gifts from Addie include Ginger Spice posters, courtesy of her Spice Girls obsession. Keychain replicas of my favorite drinks and foods including Taro boba, phó noodles, and Frank’s Red Hot Sauce bottles. Addie wakes up every day and eagerly discovers the world. She’s the sunshine of our friend group. I think once upon a time, I used to be like her.

In fact, all of my best friends seem to be adapting to adulthood better than I am. And I haven’t gone through half the challenges they have. Noa became a mother senior year of college. Now she’s going through a divorce. Addie’s parents all but dropped her on her grandmother’s doorstep with a sticky note that said “good luck.” Then she lost her grandma too. Quinn’s mother died the day after her engagement ended. And last but not least, Reese, who keeps her heartbreak close to the chest, was gaslighted by one of the highest grossing rappers of our generation. The world knows him as Petey Pete. She knows him as her childhood love. The man who her father made famous. Now she’s alone and her producer dad is sitting in jail due to his third DUI.

These arebigproblems. My friends are admirably dealing with their big problems. Why am I constantly under the covers having the most difficult time making sense of this world?

It dawns on me that none of my friends are on social media as much as I am. Is that the problem? Am I experiencing this world through a clouded lens?

There’s a soft knock at the door before it cracks open.

“Hey, summer girl, you up?” Adam whispers.

I surprise him when I quickly pop up into a sitting position on the mattress, leaning against the wall. Still topless, I pull the covers over my tits. “Yes. Did you bring me coffee?” I ask, glancing at the takeout coffee in his hand as he pushes the door open all the way with his foot.

“I did even better,” he replies, holding up the black Styrofoam container in his other hand. “This is from Lucky’s. Best pancakes in the world.”

I smirk at him. “Adam, are you ever not thinking about food?”

He flashes me a wicked smile. “I wasn’t thinking about food for about an hour last night when I had you pinned down on that mattress.” He laughs. “Then again, I believe I still ate.” He smirks, looking thoroughly pleased with himself.

“Oh, no,” I say, rubbing my groggy eyes. “You’re a morning person.”

“Deal breaker?” He sits down next to me after carefully setting the coffee and takeout container on the ground.

“Definitely,” I mumble. “Big ol’ red flag.”

He chuckles before pulling down the comforter, exposing my tits. “Good morning,” he says and kisses my forehead. “Good morning, good morning,” he says to each of my nipples after giving them a little kiss. “Sorry if I woke you up.”

“You didn’t. I’ve been awake, lying in bed. I thought you snuck out on me this morning.”

He squints one eye, his forehead wrinkling. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“Last night was sweet, but you don’t owe me your Saturday. I thought we said this was a no strings attached situation?” I shrug and pull the blanket back up, covering myself.

“I think we’ve evolved from that.”

I squint at him. “It’s been like four days. We evolved in less than a week?”

“Do you like white chocolate mochas?”

I nod as Adam exhales and reaches for the coffee on the ground, then hands it to me.

“Look, I found the baby toy in the kitchen.”

“Huh?” I rack my brain, trying to remember if Carson left something here.

“Just listen. I can’t sit back and watch you go through this knowing I could easily help. On the other hand, I get you don’t want me to save you. So what about an agreement?”

The latte is lukewarm by now, so I take two giant gulps, hoping the caffeine will hit my bloodstream and suddenly Adam will start making sense. “What are we talking about again?”

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