Page 66 of First Comes Forever

As if he can read my mind, he says, “It wasn’t anything too grim. The baby is alive and well.” He forces out a deep breath.

“You don’t have to tell me,” I say.

“No, I want to,” he assures me. “It’s just hard to talk about without me sounding like an ass. I really don’t want you to think I’m a bad person.”

“What happened?”

“I wasn’t one of those guys who just tolerated marriage. I actually liked being married. I loved my wife, and when I found out we were expecting, I thought I was in the middle of an American dream. The only thing that was missing was the big house with the picket fence, money in the bank, a fat retirement. So I worked like a dog to get them. I thought I was doing all the good things for my family…”

“That does sound like you were doing all the right things for your family,” I say.

“I certainly thought so at the time,” he says. “But in hindsight, I didn’t see how unhappy she was. I was never around. I guess she felt lonely and went looking for comfort elsewhere. She had an affair. As far as I know, they were only together a handful of times, but that’s where the baby came from. For most of her pregnancy, I thought the baby was mine. Liv’s guilty conscience caught up with her toward the end. She finally told me about a month before the baby was due.”

I’m furious for him. Why would she throw away something so genuine with a man who actually wanted to be there for his family? Especially if his only crime was working too much while trying to give his wife and baby a nice life.

“Adam, why would I ever think you’re the ass in that situation?”

“Because I divorced her when she needed me the most. It makes me the bad guy.”

“There’s no way you can blame yourself for that,” I murmur.

“I do. I’m not angry about the cheating anymore. I’m angry at what she turned me into. All I wanted was to meet that baby, and I turned my back on both of them. I know what she did was unforgivable—not just the cheating, the lying too. But I left my family the same way my mom left when I was young. Liv turned me into my mom, and I think I still resent her for it.”

I place my palm flat against his cheek as if I could absorb his anguish. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. That is awful, Adam.”

He places his hand on top of mine. “That’s why you’re so important to me. I’ve been stuck for a long time, and I guess I feel like I’m getting more…unstuck with you. If you could just give me some time to thaw out, so to speak, we can talk about the big things you want. Maybe one day, I could entertain the idea of being a dad again. I’m just not ready right now.”

I don’t think I’ve ever had a more genuine, honest moment with a man. If someone had told me at the start of summer this moment would be with Adam, I would have laughed in their face.

I lean forward and touch my lips to his. “If I had time, I’d give it to you. That’s the problem with my window closing. It’s now or never. But it’s a moot point now anyway.”

“Are you okay with that?” he asks.

My short laugh is humorless. “It’s not like I was given a choice.” I roll around and slide my hips backward, lining my body against his as tightly as I can. This time, there’s no wiggly toddler between us. It’s just me and Adam alone in this bed. And it’s almost as satisfying…

Almost.

sixteen

Ipull my Porsche in its dedicated parking spot, 3A, then cut the engine. The car is still pristinely clean from when I had it detailed a few weeks ago for Amani. I can still smell the citrus car freshener.

I have to shield my eyes from the glaring morning sunrise as I glance up at the condo. Amani is probably still sleeping. Being a morning person is one of my less deeming qualities. Even though Amani and I fell asleep close to 2:00 a.m., I was still up bright and early by 7:00. It gave me an excuse to snag her keys and sneak out to fetch coffee and breakfast.

I took an eight-year break, so I’m surprised how natural the boyfriend thing feels. I’m not sure if the whole summer guy, summer girl setup means we’re together, but it’s been a long time since I went out to pick up breakfast for a woman.

I’ve liked other women before. There were a few dates since Liv and I got divorced that I enjoyed. But no one has ever claimed my attention like Amani. It’s beyond my comprehension. Somehow my world moves on the exact right axis, in the right direction, and at the perfect speed, whenever she smiles. It’s simple. I just have to keep her smiling and my world will keep spinning.

Looping my hand through the takeout bag containing Lucky’s famous lemon-ricotta pancakes, I grab the drink carrier. I had to get four different lattes because I’m actually not sure what Amani drinks.

How many details do I need to learn about Amani Rhodes before I ask her to stay in L.A.? She’ll stay for a baby, but would she stay for me?

I enter the condo quietly, stepping out of my shoes before I place the takeout and coffee on the counter. The wasted slice of Barbieri’s pizza is still on the kitchen island next to what looks like a hand-sized green stuffed pickle. I grab the pickle and shake it to see if it rattles. Carson had a stuffed vegetable farm when he was a baby. They were the only toys that could comfort him when he was going nuclear with the tantrums.

Did…did Amani go baby toy shopping? She was so excited that she was already shopping for the baby? And now it’s not an option…

Oh, dear God.

What am I supposed to do with that? It’s a problem not even money can fix. Even if I was willing to have a baby with her, where would we stand? It’s too soon. We’re still in the infatuation phase. I don’t know what we’re like as a real couple. How can I commit to something like a child with this woman when I don’t even know what kind of lattes she likes?

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