Sullivan shook his head. “No. I can’t stay long.”
Her heart sank.
“School night.”
“Oh, yes, of course.”
“But I needed to come and see you. I needed to…apologize.”
“Apologize?”
They stood less than a foot apart, but to Ellie it felt like hundreds of miles.
“Yes. I didn’t handle the news of Claire’s death very well the other night and I wanted to say I’m sorry if I upset you or made you feel scared or bad in any way.”
“Oh Sullivan.” Unable to stand the distance, she took a step, placing her hand on his arm. The muscles were tense, like the strings of a bow before it snapped. “I don’t think there’s a rulebook on how to handle the death of someone you loved. No matter how many years you were separated, it still hurts.”
When he said nothing, she pressed. “How’s Charlotte doing with all this?”
He laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Fine. Better than me, that’s for damn sure.”
That was good. At least the sweet girl wasn’t traumatized by her mother’s death.
“I’m just…” He threw his head back, glaring at the ceiling as his eyes shone bright with unshed tears. “Shit, I’m just so fucking mad at her. I mean, how could she be sober for two years and not contact Charlotte once?”
His pain was tearing her apart. If she could, she would reach into his chest and rip it all out, toss it away so he never had to hurt again.
“Maybe she had a reason for staying away?”
His head snapped down, green eyes locking with hers. “What reason is there to abandon your daughter when you’re fully capable of interacting with her?”
She had no idea. Crap, she always said the wrong things.
“I mean, I get why she stayed away when she was on drugs. I wouldn’t have let her see Charlotte like that. But I told her when she sent the divorce papers that if she ever got clean, she could come see her daughter. Try to foster a relationship with her. Now…Charlotte can never have that—she will never know her mother.”
A tear slipped down her cheek, the warm wetness chilling in the coolness of her apartment, reminding her this wasn’t her tragedy to bear, but she felt the pain all the same, because it affected those she loved. Sullivan. Charlotte.
His hand reached out, thumb brushing the fallen tear away. She turned her head, kissing his palm, putting all the love and support she could into the gentle graze of her lips against his skin.
“Do you need anything?”
He’d already refused her help, but she thought she’d ask again. Let him know he wasn’t alone in this. She was here for him and Charlotte. If only he’d let her be. But her hopes were crushed again as Sullivan shook his head.
“No. I need…I think I need some time.”
Time? Oh no, please no.
She cleared her throat of the sob threatening to break free. “Time?”
Pulling his hand back to his side, he took the slightest step backwards. One tiny step that may as well have been a thousand miles.
“Yeah. There are some legal matters to attend to and I need to focus on Charlotte right now…”
“I understand.” She did. She really did. His daughter was the most important person in his life, as she should be, but she’d hoped Sullivan had room for her, too. “Will you call me? When you get everything settled?”
Desperate of her to ask? Maybe, but she was feeling desperate right now. And terrified, sad, lonely, a host of emotions she wanted to rip out of her chest and throw as far away as she possibly could.
Sullivan hesitated, his gaze darting to the door and back to her. His usually bright green eyes dulled, concern and regret filling them. “I…don’t know if that’s a good idea.”