Page 90 of Perfect Imperfections

Her throat closed, heart racing in her chest. She swallowed past the fear and found enough of her voice to ask, “What do you mean?”

“This whole situation is,” Sullivan ran a frustrated hand over his hair, ruffling the unkempt style even further. “It’s complicated and stressful.”

Death was always complicated and stressful. It wasn’t like people she loved hadn’t died before. She might never have lost someone as significant as a former spouse, but she’d lost loved ones. She knew the devastating impact it had on a person.

“I don’t want my issue to affect your…” he trailed off, the unspoken message loud and clear.

He thought she couldn’t handle helping him through this loss because of OCD.

Bit by bit, anger replaced the fear. How dare he use her OCD as an excuse to shut her out of his life. Out of Charlotte’s life. He said he understood. Was that all just a lie?

“I’m fine, Sullivan.”

His brow rose, hand reaching out to grasp the fingers she hadn’t realized were tugging on her ear.

“Really?”

She pulled her hand from his hold.

He shook his head. “Ellie, can you honestly say that this situation hasn’t had a negative effect on your OCD?”

No. She wasn’t saying that at all, but that didn’t mean he could use it to shove her out of his life. She was so damn tired of letting people do that. She wouldn’t allow it with Sullivan. Not when he and Charlotte were so important to her.

“I’ll admit, lately, things have been a bit…difficult on that front, but managing my OCD is my business, Sullivan.”

“And my ex-wife’s death is mine!”

She winced at his shout. His eyes closed. When they opened again, she saw a world of pain in them. Her heart clenched. She could feel his emotions like a physical blow to the gut.

“I’m sorry, Ellie.” Green eyes glossed over as he blinked back tears. “But look what I did to Claire. I couldn’t even help my own wife.”

So how could he help her? She knew that’s what he was thinking. But he didn’t need to help her. Didn’t he see?

“You don’t have to fix every person around you, Sullivan.” She placed a gentle hand on his arm, encouraged when he didn’t pull away. “Everyone has their own problems, their own issues to deal with. All you can do is offer to help and accept help when it’s offered to you.”

He focused on the hand she placed on his arm. Her heart in her throat, she waited, hopeful wishes crushed when he shook his head and took a step away from her touch.

“I’m sorry, Ellie. But I just…I can’t do this.” He swallowed hard, voice cracking as he admitted, “I can’t be the man you need me to be.”

With those parting words he turned and headed out of her apartment door, leaving her standing there, her body as hard and frozen as a statue while her heart broke into a thousand jagged pieces. A broken puzzle she feared she’d never be able to put back together.

CHAPTER 32

“Charlotte, please come back here and hang up your backpack properly.”

Sullivan sighed as his daughter skidded to a halt in the hallway. Her sneakers would leave scuff marks on the hardwood. Sometimes he wished he’d gone for a carpeted house instead, but his real estate agent had insisted hardwood had better resale value.

“Sorry, Daddy.”

She flashed a bright smile at him as she hurried back to grab her discarded bag and hang it on the short hook his brother had installed for her the day she’d started preschool—dang, had it really been four years ago? Where did the time go? Some days, it felt like it stretched on forever, especially in those early years of midnight feedings and constant diaper changes. Yet here they were, Charlotte, a smart, sweet, independent little girl and Sullivan…

Lonely.

Yeah, he could admit he missed Ellie. It’d been four days since he’d gone by her place to give his piss-poor apology and ended up breaking things off. When he saw her compulsions had increased, knowing he caused it, it hit him like a punch to the gut. There he was, hurting the person he cared for, again. He couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t be the one to make her backslide when she’d been doing so well. How many people did he have to fail before he realized he just wasn’t meant to be with anyone?

He’d seen the pain in Ellie’s eyes when he said they were over and called himself every foul name in the books—and a few he was sure he’d invented—because he knew she was hurting, but he also knew he was the wrong man for her. If they continued their relationship, he’d just end up failing her.

Like he’d failed Claire.

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