Page 36 of Before the Fall

The way she says that with such sincerity and certainty impresses me. Has she thought the same kind of things I am now at some point in her relationship with Ryker?

“You don’t sound like you have any doubts. I envy you. That’s all I seem to be today.”

A slow smile lights up her face. Patting my hand, she says, “My first husband was seen as a good man by nearly everyone who knew him. Upstanding. Handsome. Knew all the right things to say to make people think they should admire him. He gave me to Ryker to settle a gambling debt he’d run up. There are people in this world who to this day would say I should have gone back to him and be happy. Those people are wrong, but don’t try to tell them that because they’re sure Ryker is a bad man. I know in my heart that he’s not the kind of man who would ever hand over his wife to anyone, especially someone who he believed might hurt or kill her. Society makes up these rules we think we’re supposed to follow, and we do because it seems right. But what if it’s wrong for someone?”

I’m stunned by her account of what her first husband did to her. What kind of person would do that to his wife? He sounds like a monster.

I’ve seen how Ryker treats Kaia in the short time I’ve been here. She’s his queen, and he adores her. Yet, the rest of the world would think she would be better off with someone who didn’t even care enough about her to put her above gambling debts?

Shaking my head, I try to find the words, but all I want to do is curse out that horrible first husband of hers. “That’s terrible, Kaia. He wasn’t a good person to do that to you. You deserved so much better than that.”

“And I got it in my second husband. Ryker loves me and Maxim. Most importantly, he protects us, and even though most people wouldn’t think that’s important in this day and age, I can tell you from firsthand experience it is.”

I think about what she’s saying and can’t deny being cherished and protected do mean something to me. I’d never thought about it that way because I was brought up in a middle class family where the most outrageous thing to happen was when someone in the neighborhood stole vegetables from my mother’s summer garden one year.

Life isn’t that simple anymore.

“You know, when Jaxon came to see me last week for the first time in a year, it was because he’d learned my father was in danger. I hadn’t realized it until I was listening to you describe what Ryker is to you, but Jaxon wanted to protect me and the people I love. I think I was taking that for granted, but he didn’t have to send my parents on a vacation to Italy to keep them away from Victor and his men.”

“No, he didn’t, but I can tell you that was the first thing he thought of when he heard Victor had put a target on your father’s back. He wanted to protect you and make sure no one in your family was hurt. It was all he talked about. He didn’t care about any of the details. He just jumped into action and knew he needed to see to it that you and your parents were safe. He may be a bad man in many ways to anyone who only looks at what he does for a living, but how terrible can he be if his first thought was protecting the woman he loves and the most important people in her life?”

I let out a heavy sigh as regret fills me. “I’ve been so stupid. How could I have not seen that?”

“Nobody is all good or all bad, Tia. My husband would be considered bad by many, but my first husband was considered quite a catch. Crazy, right? You have to decide what you can live with when it comes to the people you love. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can say this. Jaxon would never let anyone hurt you if he could stop them. Victor’s decided you and your father are marked for death. You did nothing to deserve that, and from what I understand, neither did your father. Jaxon wants nothing more than to protect you. You have to decide how good or bad that makes him.”

When she finishes talking, she stands to leave. “I’ll let you think about all of it. I know what you’re going through. This isn’t a life for everyone. You need to decide if you love him enough to accept what he is, good and bad.”

“Thank you for telling me about what happened to you. I didn’t know what to do with all these feelings I’m having, but after listening to you, I know now. Thank you.”

“I’ll see you inside. When you’re hungry, come down to the kitchen and I’ll make sure you get a good meal now that you’re up and around.”

Alone, I feel ashamed at how parochial I was in my thinking about Jaxon. I was childish believing people are all good or all bad. That’s just not how life is.

Now I just need to let Jaxon know I realize that.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Jaxon

I stand under the hot water letting it run down my body and questioning if I should have gone after Tia. She’s too sweet for this world of mine. I’ve known that for a long time, even if I didn’t want to admit it. Tia’s a good girl, just like the day I met her. She doesn’t know how to handle what I bring to her life.

With a sigh, I admit that truth, and I think that hurts more than any of the damage that shithead Dickie did to me. The swelling in my eye will go down. My ribs will feel better.

But Tia will never be able to see past what I do.

My brain kicks into overdrive as I begin to make plans to send her away. Fuck, I hate the idea of her gone from my side, but she deserves a chance to have the kind of life that doesn’t involve people shooting her.

I need to find a way to contact my guy in Italy. She can go join her parents. Assuming Victor didn’t get a hold of my phone, he doesn’t know where her father is hiding. I know my uncle. If he had that information from my cell, he would have dangled it in front of me. Victor is nothing if not a gloater when he thinks he’s got something on a person.

Defeated, I hang my head and let the hot water hit my back. It feels good, like a deep massage to make my muscles heal. I’d stay in this shower for the rest of time knowing what I have to do when I walk out into the bedroom, but that’s not an option.

Tia must go. It was a mistake going back to her. I should have sent her on vacation with her parents in the first place. Then she wouldn’t have gotten shot or sent careening off the road into a field and nearly killed.

I can get her to Italy tonight, and then I’ll be able to focus on killing Victor. Unlike the woman I love, I have no problem with what I must do to him. I don’t struggle with the ethics of killing, especially someone like him. He’s hurt anyone who ever got close to him.

The reality is this is a kill or be killed situation. Either we get Victor or he gets us. That’s all there is to it.

And I have no intention of dying for that motherfucker to keep making the world miserable.

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