Page 23 of Holding The Reins

I begin to protest but then realize I can’t carry it the quarter mile walk, and I do work for him now so I should play nice.

“Thank you. I’m ready to go anytime, I’m exhausted, to be honest.”

He nods. “I’ll let the boys know I’m heading out. I have an early morning here tomorrow with Wade, before heading to the Center.”

“Are you next, Uncle Nash? Stars green again?” Mabel calls from the den.

I grin, picturing Nash Carter, his massive rugged hands propped up on the coffee table getting his finger nails painted by my seven-year-old niece. He shakes his head at me, a warning not to make fun of him.

“Not this time, bud. But I’ll take a raincheck,” he calls to her, a smile lighting up his face.

I hug Mama Jo and Mabel.

“See ya, Rae. Try not to get into any tussles on the walk home.” I hear from Cole in the kitchen.

“Ha-ha,” I call back to Cole.

“I’ll keep her in check,” Nash jokes as I roll my eyes at them. It was one time.

I lead Nash out the door. He totes my box of worldly goods like it weighs nothing, as we walk the gravel road.

The only sound in the air is the crickets. I follow the glow of the fireflies as we walk. This ranch really comes alive in the summer.

“So, what about the rest of your stuff? Seven years? Eight? You must have a lot there still,” he says.

“I do. I’ll have to get it at some point. Andrew will have to sell our condo, I’ll have to either go back for my stuff or send for it, I don’t know yet. The idea of seeing him again stresses me out.”

Nash nods from beside me, and even though it’s dark, I swear I see his jaw tense.

“How did it get to be that way? If just the thought of being around him causes you stress, how did you live there?”

“I don’t know, I think I mentally blocked the misery out, if that makes sense.”

Nash chuckles. “Much more than you know.”

I sense more in his words but I don’t pry, I just continue on. “I mean, I should’ve known. There were signs he was unfaithful, he would always have his phone on Do Not Disturb, he’d take it everywhere he went.” I scoff because hindsight tells me I saw the signs I just ignored them. “He’d even take it to the shower, like—in the shower.”

Nash huffs out a breath.

“You should be glad you’ve never had a relationship. It rips you apart from the inside out when it ends.”

“Precisely,” he retorts. “Or you lose it all when you least expect it.”

I nod. He’s had a rough go. I don’t push on the subject and we walk for a few seconds in silence before he speaks again.

“What pushed you to the point of no return, if you don’t mind me asking.”

I sigh, as weird as it is to be telling this to Nash, it feels good to say it nonetheless, now that it’s done.

“When I was home at Christmas last year, my dad was real lucid one morning. We had coffee in the den, well it was his makeshift bedroom then.”

Nash nods. “I remember; I was here in January for a few days before he passed.”

My eyes snap to him.

“I didn’t know that,” I say. Apparently, this is a theme, I don’t know a lot about what Nash has done over the last few years.

“Yeah, I came back whenever I could… especially at the end. It was like losing my dad all over again; only this time I had the chance to say goodbye. I wasn’t letting go of that for a second.”

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