Page 104 of Holding The Reins

I want him to want me but I won’t try to force him. This fires him up, his blue eyes are intense and bottomless.

“What if I do love you? What if I am so fucking in love with you there are moments I can’t see straight? But what if one day, it’s just over? If it just disappears? I’ll lose everything, not just you, CeCe. I’ll lose my family. All fucking over again.”

I smile through my tears and start laughing.

“That’s the thing about love, Nash. There are no guarantees, it can be here one day and the next, it can all go up in smoke. You can’t control it. You can’t foresee it, you just have to decide if you can have enough faith to trust it, if the life we could have in between is worth the fear of losing it. I’m going to Seattle, maybe you should take the next few days to figure out what you want, and when I get home you can tell me what this is.”

He looks at me pleading, and I see the love in his eyes but I also see how fucking terrified he is to give into it, which just isn’t good enough for me.

“Now, you need to go. I have to finish packing.”

I turn around and put my hands on the kitchen island, wishing Nash would come to me, wishing he would wrap his strong arms around me and tell me he loves me back, wishing he would hold me close and whisper our future in my ear, telling me everything would be okay.

But he doesn’t.

My first mistake was falling for him. My second was expecting him to be something he’s not.

I hear the sound of the front door click behind him and I break.

Ginger

Say the word and I’ll go kick his ass, babe.

Liv

I’m in.

No, he’s gotta make his own choice. I’m not going to pressure him either way. I swore to myself and my dad that the next time I commit to a man he’s gonna want me with his whole heart.

Ginger

He loves you, CeCe. I’m sure of it. See what happens when you come back and if Andrew gives you any shit this week… kick him in the balls. Hard.

Ilaugh in my seat on the plane, the old woman beside me looks at me with a kind smile.

Hold down the fort tonight, girls. Break hearts not the law. Wish me luck.

Liv

You don’t need luck, baby girl, you’ve got this.

Ginger

??

Mr. Carter

I know you’re upset with me, I’m sorry, CeCe. I hope everything goes well. Be safe.

I’m going out of my mind thinking about you there alone. Please don’t hesitate to call me if you need me.

I toss my phone on airplane mode and put my headphones over my ears as we prepare for take-off.

Andrew

I’m here to pick you up.

Andrew, I told you that you didn’t have to do that. I could’ve taken an Uber.

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