Page 103 of Holding The Reins

“Good thing you came to your senses. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m hanging right there beside you,” I say while Nash lines my neck with kisses and I press myself to him, wrapping my arms up around his neck.

“What the fuck am I seeing?” A loud, deep voice booms across the open space, and Nash and I both jump. We turn to see a pissed off and confused as hell Wade standing ten feet from us.

In my fog of desire, I didn’t lock the door and I have no idea how neither of us heard him come in. There’s no mistaking what this is, the way we are entangled with each other and Nash’s still shirtless body spells it out real clear.

“What the fuck, Nash?” Wade takes his hat off and runs a hand through his hair. “You and my sister?”

“Wade—” I start to say.

“She’s practically your family. What the fuck?”

Nash tosses his shirt over his head. “This isn’t what it looks like, man,” he says, his voice calm and smooth.

I turn to Nash with wide eyes. It isn’t?

“It looks like you’re in here having your way here with CeCe Rae.”

“He’s not just having his way with me,” I plead.

“Sure as fuck looks like it, how long has this been going on?” Wade looks back and forth between us both. “She’s vulnerable. She just got out of a long-term relationship, and you! You’re never going to settle down so what the fuck are you doing here? Using her?” Wade is yelling now but Nash, Nash is frozen, his eyes give nothing away.

“It’s more than that Wade, we… care about each other,” I say, turning to Nash to back me up, but he doesn’t, he’s a deer in headlights.

“Is that true, Nash? You care about her? What? Do you love her? You ready to take care of her and settle down?” Wade puts both his hands on his hips and waits expectantly, looking way too 1950s fatherly and way too southern.

Nash opens his mouth to speak and turns to me, but too much time passes. Wade reaches for Nash’s t-shirt and Nash doesn’t stop him, he surrenders to Wade’s tight grip on his collar.

“It just…we didn’t plan this, it just fucking happened,” Nash says.

Wade lets go and pushes him back.

“That’s what I fucking thought. I trusted you. I do fucking trust you like a brother, some things are supposed to be fucking sacred.” Then Wade turns to me with a look of disapproval that is the epitome of my father and says, “I came to see if you were alright with going to Seattle on your own, but I see here, you’re just fine.”

“Wade—” Nash finally speaks up but Wade isn’t having it.

“Don’t come here in the morning, I need a few days to absorb this bullshit,” he says to Nash, and stalks out the door, slamming it behind him.

Tears fill my eyes. There we have it; how could I have been so incredibly stupid? I let myself fall in love with this man, I opened my heart to him but it’s my own fault. I should’ve known—Nash has told me since the beginning where I stand. He couldn’t even admit his feelings to himself and have my back when I needed him.

“Go home,” I say

“CeCe,” Nash whispers. “I froze, I—”

“I don’t care. I needed you to back me up, Nash. You know what? It’s my fault. I know we’re just a phase, and every phase has to end.” I start to turn away and then change my mind.

“No, you know what? I’ll be the first to say it, I broke the rules. I fell in love with you, like an idiot.” I’m yelling now. “I love you so much it consumes me. But I want it all. I want you, in every way, and if you don’t want me like that, then we’re done. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you but I did and I’m not afraid to admit it, and that’s all there is to it.”

He reaches for my arm but still says nothing. My heart shatters into a million pieces while I wait for the words that never come. I pull away from him.

“CeCe… this is happening so fast. I—I don’t know how to deal with these emotions. The way I feel about you, I never—”

I sigh and look up at him, tears spilling over my cheeks with my broken heart pooling in my chest.

“Go home, Nash. I guess I want what you can’t give me and I’ll never chase you.”

He wipes a tear from my cheek. “Please don’t cry…fuck. I just need—”

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll never expect you to be someone you’re just not,” I say, a sugary sweet and evil tone coats my words.

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