Page 100 of Holding The Reins

By seven-thirty, I’m fed, I’m showered, everything is clean, and CeCe hasn’t texted me all day. I’m already regretting my decision and going out of my fucking mind. Everywhere I look, she’s here—my bed, my sofa, my goddamn kitchen counter. Not to mention her strawberry scent is everywhere.

I’ve behaved like an ass. I know that, but this is what I do. Decades of fear and panic simmer to the surface and I go into protection mode. It’s the age-old, you can’t hurt me if I hurt you first and I fucking hate myself for it.

I do something I never do and pour myself a bourbon and knock it back in one shot.

Why hasn’t she texted me or called me yet?

By eight, I can’t stop myself from testing the waters.

Still hell bent on going to Seattle alone?

Ten minutes later.

I just think you should consider the possibility that this is all a ploy to get you alone and try to pressure you into coming back to him.

I just don’t trust him, especially with you.

Another ten minutes later.

I only say these things to you because I care about you, Rae.

Three minutes later.

Not answering me is really immature.

Another ten minutes go by, and I grab my keys and mutter, “Fuck sakes,” as I blast out the front door to my truck.

I’m driving seventy down the highway asking myself how the fuck I got here, how a woman I’ve known my whole life has got me so fucking twisted up in knots I can’t seem to figure my way out.

I pull into the ranch, gravel spewing from under my tires. I go over what I’m going to say, how calm and logical I’m going to be. I’m the older one, the experienced, level-headed one with more wisdom. I toss my truck in park, not giving a fuck if anyone sees me. I pound on her door.

You can’t go to Seattle alone because…

I can’t lose you too…

I don’t want to live this life without you any longer…

I want you… all of you… all of us… but I’m fucking terrified.

I love you…

The door swings open and CeCe stands before me, her hair loose, and wearing that white linen dress in bare feet.

Fuck me, every thought I have leaves my mind. She’s the sun, I just live within her orbit.

“Nash, I’m too tired to argue with you,” she says, folding her arms across her chest, pushing her perfect tits up, fire in her eyes.

“Well… fuck… you’re so fucking irritating,” I blurt out.

Not what you planned, dumbass.

CeCe sighs. “Please, won’t you come in?” She waves her hand into her tiny hallway and I bound in like she might change her mind at any second because I fucking would if I was her.

“You just… anything could happen while you’re gone. He’s up to something, CeCe. Call it a sixth sense, I don’t know… but I’m going with you and that’s it. I’m putting my foot down.” I run my hand through my hair and look down at her.

If fire could shoot out from a woman’s eyes, I would, in fact, be a pile of smoking ash right now. Her voice is soft and calm when she speaks. “And just where exactly are you dropping that heavy boot, Nash? Right in the middle of ‘we’re just fucking?’ Or wait, how about smack in the center of ‘I don’t do relationships,’” she mocks me using air quotes and I want to half punch a wall and half crush myself to her.

“CeCe…” I warn.

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