Page 12 of Embracing Trust

He leans back, laughs at something Mark says, and looks over at me. “What about you, Jules?”

“Huh?” My brain stutters in my head.

Ryan winks. “Weren’t you listening?” He stretches then rests his arm on the back of my chair.

“Sorry.” I rub the condensation on my glass. “I was watching the dance.”

Ryan returns to his conversation with Mark and any time he laughs or moves, the hair on his forearm grazes the bare skin on my back. Passion ignites in my soul like an ember has rekindled and has awakened me from a long slumber.

Face it. This is the man who still holds a part of your heart.

Merilee finally returns to the table after the dollar dance. Mark stands and makes his way to the bar for another drink.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, concern on her face as she takes the seat on my right.

“Nothing. Why?”

“Your face is all red.”

I fan myself. “It’s hot in here.”

Merilee smirks and shakes her head. “He’s hot,” she mouths.

I turn toward Merilee and face away from Ryan. I feel like a giddy girl with a secret. I roll my eyes. “I know. He’s got me in some sort of trance over here.”

It wasn’t unusual to see girls in our high school hanging around Ryan, hoping for a date. The first time I saw him across the crowd at the fall bonfire, I was spellbound by his charm and good looks. Although he was new to the school, he quickly made friends and became popular among his peers.

I squeeze my eyes closed when I hear the first beats of the next song. That summer. The one when I fell in love with Ryan McCormick. My back is still towards Ryan and when I look at Merilee, her face softens, and she smiles. I clutch her wrist. I don’t dare turn around to witness the man of my persistent dreams, because he will see right through me. All my many layers will be stripped away, and he will invade my heart once again.

My thoughts continue to drift back. I’ve allowed myself to extinguish my desire for him over the years but being around him again is a reminder that I’m capable of desiring a man. I just can’t let him know that every time he looks at me, I want him.

I want him in a way I’ve never had him before.

Chapter Seven

Ryan

Mark gets up from his chair and heads to the bar. It feels odd being around my friends as we order alcohol. When I left for basic, none of us were old enough to drink.

When Julia slips off her heels, I get a peek down her dress, which starts a chain reaction that I’m fighting to stop.

This is crazy. It’s not like I’m some sex-crazed horny teenager.

Plus, I’m burning up in this damn jacket and it reminds me too much of the stifling heat in the dessert. Julia’s eyes widen and she licks her lips as I slip it off.

Looks like I have a captive audience. Like what you see, Julia?

I get some additional relief from the heat when I ditch the cufflinks and roll up my sleeves.

She’s still watching. I bet if I slipped this shirt off, she’d be impressed with my six-pack.

I fight back the urge to kiss her on the tender spot of her bare neck. My mouth knows where to go. I slip my arm on the back of her chair and when it brushes her soft skin, the drumbeat in my head only intensifies as I struggle to absorb every quake she unknowingly delivers. I lean in a little closer to my obsession.

I’m a grown-ass man, but she does something to me. Always has. There’s unfinished business with her—unfinished wants and desires. Saying she isn’t sexually attractive to me right now would be a lie, but my feelings go deeper.

As the first few beats of a new song catch my attention, Julia turns her back to me toward Merilee. My eyes slither down the low-cut of her dress that exposes her back and causes me to suck in a breath. I exhale hard and turn my attention to the dancefloor.

This song reminds me of one summer at her grandparents’ beach house. After swimming in the ocean, we ran to our secret spot—a dune and cove area at the end of the property, hidden from the house. Since the cottage was on a private beach, there was never much foot traffic. With our swimsuits mostly discarded and towels beginning to slip away, we hid behind some rocks in the cove. Our indecisive hands became confident as our slick bodies lost control on that June afternoon. Honestly, to this day, I regret that we didn’t each lose our virginity in that cove, because it would’ve been damn perfect. I regret the unfinished business with her and have thought how this experienced man would be able to please her now.

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