Page 18 of Embracing Trust

We continue to the door. Mark rubs my shaved head and lets out a laugh. “Cue ball,” he mutters.

He holds the door open for me and once we’re inside, he makes a beeline toward the bar. I head back to the table and take my seat, letting out a breath. Julia is turned toward Merilee in a conversation. My heart is now a steady patter, and I can finally breathe. I take a long drink of ice water.

Julia turns to me and bumps her shoulder into mine. “Hey, where’d you go?”

“You miss me?” I give her my 100-megawatt smile—the one that always gets me the girl.

“You missed them cutting the cake.” She sniffs and wrinkles her nose.

Oh great. I’m sure she can smell smoke permeating off my breath and clothes.

I never touched a cigarette until Afghanistan and it’s not something I’m proud of. My body is my temple and all that. I don’t need to justify my actions to Julia and face her judgment, but there’s something that needles me. I don’t want her to think less of me. I don’t want her to know all the things that fucked me up over there and all the things that still track my scent like a hound.

When I was with Mark’s cousin, I closed my eyes most of the time, imagining it was Julia. There have been some women since. Nothing ever serious or lasting. Although Mark’s cousin and the handful of others got rid of the blue balls and scratched an itch, I never did get Julia out of my system.

Chapter Ten

Julia

After the wedding ceremony and an evening of dancing, Amy radiates the happiness of a brand-new bride. I can’t help but smile as she collapses in the chair across the table from us. With her veil still attached, but setting slightly askew on her golden locks, her eyes glimmer in the low light.

She folds her hands and leans forward. “So.” Her eyes widen. “What’d you think?”

Merilee sips her ice water and grins. “It was perfect. Everything was beautiful.”

Amy scrunches her nose and awards herself with a tiny round of applause. “Yay!”

Her gold wedding band and large solitaire diamond catch my attention as the prisms’ sheen twinkles. I force a smile as I glance at my scant left ring finger. The wedding ring set is undeniably gorgeous and it’s obvious Kevin spent some serious cash on it. Even though I’m not the frilly kind of girl who’s into such things, it does make me a bit envious. Not only because the rings are phenomenal but because Amy has found her true love—her forever partner.

“Your dress…the flowers—”

“And the photographer?” She turns from us and scans the room. “I think he’s getting everything,” she says as she spots him shooting photos of her coworkers. She turns back to us. “I think we’re getting ready to take off soon and I wanted to thank you both for everything.” Amy jumps up and scurries around the table to our side and the three of us embrace. We’re interrupted by several other well-wishers and Amy’s attention is quickly drawn away from us.

“You about ready?” Merilee asks with a yawn.

I nod and exhale. “Yes. I’m exhausted and ready to get home.”

Not only am I physically tired, but I’m mentally tired from holding myself emotionally together for the last nine hours.

The wedding was beautiful, picture-perfect. The food is delicious, the venue is every bride’s dream, and I can’t find joy in it. I want to be happy, but I plaster on a smile. It isn’t my wedding. I’m not marrying the man of my dreams. I’m not getting my happy ending.

Merilee and I begin to gather our things.

Mark and Ryan approach the table. “Headin’ out?” Ryan asks as he drapes the tuxedo jacket over his arm.

Mark pulls out his chair and plunks down at the table across from us.

Merilee’s eyebrows draw together, and she stills as she studies Mark from across the table. Always the nurse.

Brad joins us and wraps an arm around me and Merilee. “This has been fun. Let’s get together again.”

Mark pushes a beer bottle away and his head drops on the table.

Brad chuckles. “Oh, we gotta get this guy home,” he says as he shakes his head with a smirk.

Ryan leans into Brad. “You takin’ him?”

Brad lets out a chuckle. “Come on, Mark. Time to go home.”

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