Page 60 of Matched

Chapter Twenty-Six

Inara

Ican’t believe he left me. Just like Mami did to her husbands. Just like so many stepdads over the years. Tony walked out two weeks ago and I’m barely holding myself together. My mind is no longer my own. My thoughts float by like clouds that drift along in the sky above a beach. I am numb to everything. I held on to a sliver of hope for a short time until the annulment paperwork arrived a few days after he left, reality finally hitting me.

It’s a Wednesday afternoon. I’ve only been at work for three hours, and already I’ve been here way too long. I am supposed to be focusing on the new menu we are implementing at Shaken & Stirred, but every time I sit down to study it, my brain fogs up. I even tried to go back to kickboxing. It helped for the one hour I was there, but then as soon as I left. I was back to wandering around aimlessly.

Taya walks up to me and puts her arm around me. She whips her phone out of her pocket and shows me the new paint job she’s added to her motorcycle. She talks quick and her smile is wide. Her eyes light up. I can’t bring myself to be excited for her even though I know she wants me to be. Taya pulls me in closer. “Hey, you doing okay?”

“I don’t really know how I’m doing right now. I’m just so out of it.” I look down at my hostess stand and I start wiping down the same menus I cleaned an hour ago.

“I know it’s been a rough couple of weeks for you. Why don’t we go out tonight? You and I are off at the same time, and I know how much you love Karaoke Wednesday. What do you say?” Taya’s eyebrows are raised and her eyes look hopeful.

I want to say No thanks, I’d rather be at home. But she is my best friend and is only trying to help. Every time we work the same shift since Tony left, she is up here at the hostess stand as much as possible. She brings me little snacks to make sure I’m eating, and she shows me videos of motorcycle riders and cute Comic-Con outfits. She is doing everything she can to distract me, and I’ve been a terrible friend by being barely responsive.

“I’m not up to it...” I start to say.

Her face droops and her smile fades. “That’s okay, I get it—”

“But I’ll put on my big-girl panties and do it. Because we haven’t had a duet in too long, and we could use a girls’ night.” I snort at the idea of us standing up on stage singing and dancing, enjoying the night without any guy drama.

Taya starts jumping up and down while she claps her hands together. “Yes! I am so looking forward to it.”

We are interrupted by a couple who come in and need to be seated. I take them to a table in the back with an ocean view, then spend the rest of my shift rolling utensils in linens and wiping the same menus over and over again between seating guests. There haven’t been too many to distract me and I find myself, for once, wishing it was a Saturday night so it would be busy. At least then my mind would be distracted. By the time Taya and I are ready to clock out, I start regretting agreeing to karaoke. Singing is the one thing that brings me joy and peace, but my heart isn’t in it.

“Ready?” Taya asks, her grin so wide all her teeth are showing.

I can’t bear to let her down. Not to mention, she’s probably lonely with Jim gone too. I owe it to her to go out. And focusing on her might help bring me out of my own head. “Let’s go, chica.”

We walk out the restaurant door and I fumble in my bag, looking for my favorite plum lipstick because, whenever I wear it, I feel like I’m glowing. Once I’m in the car, I slide the lipstick over my lips and double-check how I look in the mirror. My eyes look swollen from days of tears and lack of sleep. I pat them with my finger and try to bring myself back to the moment. My hands clench the steering wheel and it’s as if my body wants to pull me back home, so I move one step at a time. Put the car in drive. Steer my way to the bar. Get out of the car. Walk inside. Soon enough I can go back to the depths of my despair.

The bar is packed for a Wednesday night since it’s one of the best karaoke nights around. I haven’t gone to this place in a while. The neon lights shine on my body like a welcome home. Marge already saved a bar table for us all. She holds up a glass of red wine as if it’s an offering to convince me to walk all the way over there.

“Thank you, I’d love some red right now.” I take a sip and let the full-bodied oak flavor overwhelm my tongue. Red wine has always made me feel seductive.

“No problem.” She leans over to give me a side hug, which I return. Marge’s hugs are warm and soft and everything a mom’s hug should be. “It’s good to see you, Inara.”

“It’s good to see you too. How is Leslie doing?”

Marge shakes her phone back and forth at me in response. “She was giving the babysitter a bit of a heart attack by hiding under the bathroom sink. But it’s resolved. She knows all the good hiding spots now.”

Taya and I laugh. Leslie is a handful, such a smart and sweet girl.

“But we’re not here to talk about the hiding habits of my baby. How are you doing? How’s everything been, you know, since the picnic?” Marge always gets right to the point and I’m sure my emotions are plainly written on my face.

“Things are rough. I’m guessing you heard Tony’s application to OCS was rejected and he’s out of the IPP program? And if that wasn’t enough, he made it pretty clear where he stood on the whole marriage thing.” I lift my wineglass and take a small sip. Taya reaches over and rubs my back. I want to hold my emotions in, but they just spill out. “He just said, ‘gotta go to training’ and left.” I look down at my own hands and play with the chipping polish on my pinky nail.

“Well,” Taya begins, “I know he’s hurting, too, but that was a dick move.”

“Yeah, but he was devastated about OCS, and I did hurt him. I’m to blame too.”

“You really care about him,” Taya says. “I mean, it’s written all over your face, not just now, but every time you talk about him.”

“Yeah, honey, even I gotta say it. You have a bad case for Tony. And I can’t deny it, you two were, or are, a good match. Truly.” Marge reaches over and puts her hand on mine. “We all mess up in any relationship, it’s a given. It’s how we make amends that determines the outcome.”

“Well, even if I did love Tony, it’s clear he doesn’t love me back the same way. And now that we are out of the program, there’s nothing keeping us together.” I grab the cocktail menu on the table and browse the appetizers to take my mind off this fact. I do love Tony. And right now, he wants nothing to do with me.

Marge pushes down the menu I’m attempting to hide behind. “It doesn’t seem like he doesn’t love you. And the matching program doesn’t matter anymore. This is about you and Tony. These things take time, you know?”

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