Page 81 of Promise Me Never

Amy

I wasn’t there to protect her. I failed her. Just like I’ll fail Eli.

I don’t know when the tears started, but I can’t stop them as I lean against the cedar wall and lose myself to the tempest of a love lost too soon and one that will never be. My stomach roils as I think about the card I wrote her. I dig through the contents until I find it.

Amy,

I suck at this heartfelt stuff. I don’t know how to quantify my love for you. It began way before I understood what love is and will extend past our lifetime, infinitely. I promise I’ll get better at this, and I promise to never let you down.

Love,

Luke

I turn just in time to throw up outside of the closet, so I don’t ruin anything. After wiping my mouth on the back of my hand, I pick my phone up and text Colt, asking him to pick up Eli because I’m sick. There’s no reason to prolong this and give her hope where there is none.

I pull her wedding dress off the rack and clutch it to my chest. Hot tears roll down my face, and I let loose the sobs I’ve kept bottled for years. I didn’t even let myself cry like this after she passed. How could I indulge my pain when I could have saved her? I could have forced her to stay overnight at the hospital. But I could never tell her no.

I glance down at my phone, seeing Eli’s name on the screen. The only option is to decline the call. She doesn’t need this at her twenty-first birthday party. She deserves to be happy.

It hits me like a bullet to the chest, Eli is turning twenty-one.

An age Amy never got to see.

The phone rings again. I decline it again.

I throw her wedding dress to the side and barely make it to the bathroom this time. It feels like I’m retching bloody, jagged pieces of my soul into the toilet. Sweat and tears and saliva mix into an even bigger mess as I collapse onto the floor. The tile provides cool relief that I’m sure I don’t deserve as I lie there crying.

Thirty-One

ELI

* * *

The blank screen of my phone mocks me as I look at it for the millionth time in the past twenty-four hours. I got so desperate I knocked on Luke’s door earlier this morning, but while his truck was there, no lights were on, and he didn’t answer. I thought maybe he was better, so I checked all over the ranch.

No one has seen him.

When my phone chimes with a text notification, I almost drop it in my haste to get to it.

Can I take you somewhere?

Of course

I’m in the driveway

On my way

I slip on my sandals and grab my purse before jogging down the stairs. I find Grams in the kitchen and tell her I’m heading out for a bit. I doubt he’ll keep me out long, but I tell her I have my phone in case she needs me.

Unease swims inside me when I find him slumped down in the driver's seat as I approach the truck. He doesn’t get out to open my door, but he does reach across to push it open from the inside. Dark circles line his eyes, and the lines of his face appear sharper, more unforgiving than usual.

“Hi.” I buckle my seatbelt, and he takes off without returning the greeting. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah.” His tone is as dull as his unblinking gaze. “How was last night?”

“It was okay.” That’s a lie. I didn’t even get drunk; I spent the entire night worrying about him. I wanted to be sober in case he needed something. “I really love Janey for planning that. I totally wasn’t expecting it.”

He makes a noncommittal hum and keeps his eyes on the road.

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