Page 82 of Promise Me Never

My eyes sting as I fight back tears. His mood hangs between us like a dark cloud just before a downpour. Normally I’d roll down the window and let the fresh mountain air hit my face, but it’s overcast and a bit chilly. Or maybe it’s just him.

I want to ask him what’s wrong, to push him for answers. Whatever happened, I don’t know what to do, how to fix it. But we drive in silence, not even a song on the radio.

He drives us through town, down some residential streets until we get to a dead end not too far from Janey’s house. Then I see it, a cemetery. I follow his lead, not unbuckling until he turns off the ignition and opens his door.

He doesn’t wait for me, just walks through the iron gate, leaving it open for me. Birds fly up from the ground, taking off with a flurry of flapping wings and a symphony of caws. It’s eerie, and dread settles in my stomach. I follow ten feet behind him until he stops at a headstone.

I look down, and my heart lurches. I knew I’d be seeing Amy’s grave as soon as we pulled up, but what I wasn’t expecting wasBaby Stone.My hand seeks his for comfort or stability, but when I grasp it, it’s cold and limp in mine.

“Luke,” I finally manage to choke out his name. “I had no idea she was pregnant.”

He drops my hand and steps away from me to crouch down and run his fingers over their etched names. I watch as he strokes them lovingly, and by the worn metal beneath his thumb, I can see he must do it a lot. It’s the same way he cups my face and strokes my cheekbones.

He stands, and when he finally looks me directly in the eyes for the first time, he begins to speak. “I know you’re falling for me, but what you have to understand is that I’m incapable of loving anyone again.” He points down to where they’re buried. “They were my family, my future. I will never love anyone the way I loved her.”

I roll my lips inward, pressing them between my teeth to force back the tears at the cold, cruel way he delivered the words. The hope that grew from our conversation earlier this week wilts under his unflinching stare.

“I can’t be that guy for you. I told you from the beginning.”

I hold a hand up, begging wordlessly for him to stop. Tears slide down my cheeks, burning a path through my flesh right down to the marrow of my soul. He looks at me with no feeling while my heart breaks.

“Go back to LA, and use the things I taught you to fuck all the guys. I promise they’ll be lining up for a turn.” His words break me, an axe to my fragile heart.

I turn and run from him for the last time. I can’t stop the tears as they soak my face, garbled sobs tear through me as I run blindly down the street searching for Janey’s house. By the time I get there, I can barely breathe, pounding frantically on her door.

Sam answers the door, pulling a shirt on with a concerned look on his face, and he pulls me inside and wraps me in his arms. “Janey!” he calls upstairs. “Eli is here!”

“Be down in a minute,” she calls down.

“No. Now!” His voice trembles as he looks me over. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

I can’t breathe.

I can’t catch my breath.

“What? Why?” Janey asks as she comes down in a short silk robe and mussed hair. “Oh my god, Eli, what’s wrong?” Her hands squeeze up and down the length of my arms as she takes me in. “Get a paper bag out of the kitchen,” she instructs Sam sharply.

He’s gone and back in seconds, brown paper bag in hand. She grabs it and shakes it open, holding it to my mouth.

“Breathe in and out in this, focus on slowing your breath.”

She guides me to her couch and pushes me down before instructing Sam to get me a glass of ice water. I focus on matching my breaths to hers. Now that I’m here, I don’t know what to do. Should I tell them? Should I keep it inside? What lie should I make up if I do keep it a secret?

She pulls the bag away and holds the water up. The door flies open, and Colt runs in, slightly out of breath and concerned. As soon as his eyes land on mine, they darken.

Luke must have called him to come check on me.

Fuck him for pretending to care.

“What the fuck is going on?” Sam looks around, trying to figure it out.

“Why are you here?” Colt asks Sam.

I watch the two of them study each other.

“Why areyouhere?” Sam asks Colt.

“Luke told me she ran off upset,” Colt answers.

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