Page 72 of The Shadow of Polaris

“It’s not up for debate.” Lytos, too, rose from his seat. “My unit has the highest marks in archery. I trained them myself. There’s no one else.”

“Do not make me say it again.” The aura around the half-god grew as dark as the chill in his voice was cold.

Lytos’s throat bobbed, unsure if he should push his brother further. “It’s the right thing to do, brother. You know it is. There’s no one better suited to lead a crew of archers.”

“That’s enough,” I demanded, slamming my fist on the table to break the thickening tension. “Lytos, I can’t ask that of you. Think of Margerie and Judas. If you were to be hurt, or worse, killed, how could Aryx or I face them again? Don’t take a father away from his son. He needs you. I think we all can agree on that.”

Aryx nodded at my resolution. Inhaling deeply, he returned to his seat, his palms twitching as the meeting carried on. For the rest of the meeting, Lytos paced the narrow hall between the chartroom and gangway, his mouth in a silent, thin line.

“My Queen, my unit has plenty of seasoned soldiers handy with a bow. We will take Xenophron’s place,” an aging general chimed in, her long greying braid trailed down the length of her spine.

“Thank you Hermia. Balakros can debrief you before you retire to your ship,” I said, glancing at the silently weeping general.

“Yes, My Queen,” he whispered through sobs. I looked into his eyes. They were dark and glazed from the hours of grieving since his brother’s death.

An all too familiar pang of guilt struck at my chest, but I shoved it aside. I couldn’t afford to fall apart in front of my people. They were expecting resilience. They needed stern, emotionless strength.

I stroked Arcturas’s pelt as she slept beneath me. Her fur was cool against the sweltering, damp draft below decks.

“Now, Rah has told me we’re about three days out from Elder’s Island. I’m hoping it will be an easy passage, but we can’t become complacent. Everyone has to be on high alert constantly. I don’t trust the calmness of these waters.”

“I’ll collect a headcount of wounded or dead within our fleet,” Aryx said from his seat beside me. “We’ll have a better idea of what we’re going into this with.”

“Thank you. Send the report back to me when you’re done.” I stood from my seat, nearly toppling over as a large swell rocked the hull leeward.

We continued planning until the late hours of the morning. My council, yawning and exhausted, finally retired to their ships. The morning would arrive too soon, and with it, another day exposed to whatever lurked in these open waters.

The air was too hot, too sticky down below. I needed the fresh breeze to soothe my pounding head.

Quietly climbing topside, I stretched my sore muscles on the aft deck and threw the oarsman a quick greeting.

The stars above us speckled across the sky, and in the utter darkness of the open ocean, their light burned brightly upon my face.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the midnight air laced with salt. I thought about my father, and the secret love he fought so hard for. It must have been excruciating acting as king in the mortal realm, while your mind frequently drifted to the gossamer realm of the gods. He played his role so well, so carefully, I’d never even suspected he had been unfaithful to his queen. How I wished he could be here now, advising me in the games of war. I leaned against the railing, holding my head in my hands.

And what of my mother? Or should I say mothers? I knew Queen Signe wouldn’t approve of my fight for freedom. She followed the rules, stuck to the protocol. Justice, for her, was plain as day. Putting full trust into the palm of the politician, she’d demand I return to my prison. Although, my home in the Northern City was equally a prison as that hundred story tower. It had been the chains that bound me. I hoped that maybe one day it would be the key that freed me.

And what of Polaris, with her wild black hair and ever flowing robes? She, the embodiment of night, accepted the freedom of the galaxies, the darkness of space, the lack thereof of light. She tamed the beasts that howled at a silvery moon, while not keeping them leashed.

I wished we had more time. I wanted to know her, to learn about myself. Something had always been missing, and I hadn’t realized until now, standing beneath the stretch of endless stars, that it was her. Everything fit together in a puzzle of clarity when I accepted who I was.

Although a complete stranger, I wanted to make her proud. I wasn’t so sure, given my recent choices, that she would be.

I threw my hands over the railing and stared at the dark navy swells gently rising and falling as we skimmed across the sea-surface. Overcome with nausea, I watched crashes of sea foam recede into the next wave, trying to soothe my tired mind.

“Are you okay?” Aryx asked from the shadows behind me.

“Oh…I thought you went back to your ship.” I turned to face him.

Moonlight refracted in those golden eyes and washed over his face, illuminating the arches of his cheekbones. His hair, draped at his shoulders, was nearly iridescent in the star beams. This, I decided, was my favorite version of him.

“I wanted to see if you were alright after what happened today.” He leaned beside me, watching the small swells lap against the waterline.

“I’m fine,” I said, although, truly, I wasn’t. I couldn’t think of a time I was more not fine than now.

“It’s okay if you’re not around me. I know the others are looking to follow your lead, but you don’t have to keep your walls up. Not with me.”

“Aryx, I…” I brushed my pinky finger against his, craving the warmth of his skin. “I’m sorry.”

---