Page 231 of My Rules

The house is suddenly eerily quiet, and I’m left alone with my conscience.

It’s lonely here.

I drag myself up the stairs and have a hot shower. For a long time I stand under the hot water and stare at the tiles on the wall. I have this weird sinking feeling. For weeks I felt that our relationship was going to end, and I’ve been dreading it.

But never in a million years did I think it would be at my hands.

The worst part is that I didn’t even tell him about the contract I signed with John yet. I’m still legally married to another man, and now that all this has transpired ...

I put my head into my hands in shame.

Fuck . . . what a mess.

Eventually, I’m so exhausted that I can’t even stand up in the shower, and I drag myself out and get into my pajamas.

The house is quiet and empty and sad.

Tomorrow I’m going to make this better if it kills me.

Ring, ring. Ring, ring.

My phone ringing on the side table wakes me from my sleep, and I scramble to answer it. I tossed and turned all night and finally fell into an exhausted coma around 6:00 this morning. “Hello,” I answer.

“Hi, Bec, it’s Jules.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just wanted you to know that the boys have decided to stay away for the weekend.”

I frown as I listen. “Is Blake all right?”

“I don’t know. I just tried to talk him into coming home, but ...” Her voice trails off.

“What?”

“He doesn’t want to see you.”

My heart constricts.

“We need to talk,” I stammer. “I need to see him.”

“I know, but I think you just need to let him cool down for a while.”

I close my eyes in horror. The longer he cools down, the less chance we have of getting over this. “We need to see each other to talk this through.”

“He doesn’t want to see you.”

My eyes well with tears.

“Look, just take the weekend. Get yourself together. They’ll be home Sunday night, that’s only tomorrow, and then you can talk to him when he’s fresh and you both had time to cool down.”

“I have cooled down.”

“Yeah, well, he hasn’t, and it’s not all about you.”

Ouch . . .

“I know that.” I sigh softly.

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