Page 180 of The Bonus

Lucia smiles over at me. “This is so fun, isn’t it, Mom?”

“Best night of my life.” I sip my wine, unimpressed. I’m sure gardening with Jack would be more fun than this.

Gabriel deals out the cards and we all pick them up and begin to organize them in our hand. I glance over to the kids, who are smiling goofily, they’re so happy.

I have a momentary out-of-body experience as I remember dreaming of a night just like this for them.

Simple fun with their father.

Emotion overwhelms me and I unexpectedly tear up. I blink to hide my tears and then glance up to see Gabriel watching me. As if knowing exactly how I feel, he gives me a soft smile and a subtle nod, and I smile too.

I need to take me and my feelings out of the equation. This night means everything to the twins and Gabriel and that’s all that matters.

Two hours later.

The burning wood cracks, and Gabriel and Dominic hold their sticks in the flickering flame. Night has fallen and along with it has come the peaceful serenity of the lake.

It’s beautiful out here.

“I can’t wait to taste these toasted marshmallows.” Lucia beams, she and I are sitting at the card table, waiting for the boys to serve us our dessert.

“I can’t believe you’ve never had this before?” Gabriel smiles proudly as he twists his stick.

I think we did have them years ago and someone burned the bejesus out of their lip so I never got them again, not that I’m telling them that.

“Just about done,” Gabriel tells Dominic. “Turn it over again.”

Dominic turns the stick again, he’s concentrating as if this is brain surgery. He hasn’t said anything much directly to Gabriel tonight but he’s hanging off every word he says.

I’m happy and sad and overwhelmed, and damn it, seeing them with him makes me realize how much they’ve missed out on.

“All done,” Gabriel tells Dominic. They walk over and proudly hand over our sticks with the melted marshmallows on the end. “Careful, they’re hot,” he warns us. “Blow on it to cool them down.”

His words are gospel, and the children begin to blow on their marshmallows in an over exaggerated way.

He takes a nibble and smiles. “Ah, davvero delizioso.” (“Ah delicious.”)

Dominic tastes it. “È la cosa più deliziosa che abbia mai assaggiato.” (“This is the best thing I ever tasted.”)

Gabriel smiles.

“Lo mangeremo quando andremo in Italia, non è vero, Mamma?” (“When we move to Italy we will eat this, won’t we, Mom?”)

“Speak English, Dom, I don’t understand,” I tell him.

“When we move to Italy we will eat this, won’t we, Mom?” he repeats himself.

“We will.” I smile.

Gabriel’s face falls as he stares at Dominic. “You want to live in Italy?”

Dominic nods. “Lo stesso vale per Lucia.”” (“Lucia does too.”) “Mamma ha detto che non appena compiremo sedici anni ci trasferiremo lì per un paio di anni per imparare la lingua e le tradizioni.” (“Mom said when we are sixteen, we are moving there for two years to learn the culture.”)

Gabriel’s eyes search mine.

“I want them to know who they truly are.” I smile sadly.

His eyes well with tears as he stares at me across the table.

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