Page 100 of The Bonus

Driving is the only thing I seem to be able to control.

“He won’t do an interview; he’s declined to talk to anyone.”

“Do not insult my intelligence, I’m sure Miles Media is in negotiations with him right now. Get the fucking story.” I hit end of call and come to a stop at a pedestrian crossing.

Fucking incompetence, I’m sick to death of it.

An old lady walks at a snail’s pace across the road. “Hurry up, old bag.”

Another lady crosses, and then another. I exhale heavily. “Come the fuck on, what are we waiting for?”

And then I see it…my heart stops.

A man walks out onto street, holding the hands of his two children. They’re dressed in uniform, he must be walking them to school. They’re chatting and talking as they walk, oblivious to everyone around them.

What are they talking about?

The father says something and the children both laugh and my stomach twists. I watch them keep walking, wondering what school they go to.

Beep, beep. A car horn sounds from behind me, bringing me back to the moment.

I glance up to my rearview mirror and glare at the driver behind me. “Shut the fuck up before I hurt you.”

Grace

I sip my coffee as I stare into space. The last week has been a blur, firstly shock and horror that Gabriel found us, and then devastation as my worst fears came true.

He came, he met them, and when I purposely pushed to see how committed he was, he left without a fight.

He doesn’t want to be in their lives, and I know I should be grateful that he’s at least being honest, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

I’m sad for the kids, it was one thing when he didn’t know they existed, but now that he does… How will I explain this to them when they are older?

What a fool.

These two children are a gift, and how he doesn’t want to be a part of their life is beyond me.

I put my head into my hands. Maybe everything he said about me is true. Maybe I am the world’s most selfish person. He thinks I kept them a secret out of spite…

Did I?

No, I kept it a secret to protect them…if he can’t see that, then screw him.

We owe him nothing anyway, and there’s no more wondering what if.

At least now I know.

Friday night.

I empty the jar of sauce into the pasta as I stare into space. Lucy is watching television in the living room and Dom is upstairs somewhere.

I’ve had a shitty day, got abused by an asshole work client whose loan application got declined and it kind of spiraled from there. I came home, had a shower and immediately opened a bottle of wine. There are some benefits to being the only adult living here, I get to do whatever the hell I want to…as long as it doesn’t involve leaving the house.

“Mom, someone’s at the door,” Lucia calls.

“Who is it?” I frown, ugh…who the hell is coming over at this hour?

“I don’t know,” she calls, uninterested, and returns to watching her show.

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