Page 155 of The Bonus

I hang up and glare out the window as I imagine how tomorrow is going to go.

Twenty million dollars is all my happiness is worth.

The city lights twinkle over New York. I pour myself a glass of scotch and place it on my desk beside the box that I got from beneath Grace’s bed. I’ve been anxiously waiting all day to get to this box, what did she mean when she wrote on that napkin?

I take the lid off the box, sit down and slowly begin to sift through it, there’s photos and note cards, a weird combination of things that don’t really go together but they all seem to be from around the time that Grace was pregnant.

I pick up a piece of paper that has been ripped out of a book.

The Lord knew that I would miss him so much that one baby couldn’t fill the hole that he left

So he gave me two.

For a long time I stare at her handwriting and I don’t know what the hell kind of box this is, but it’s fucking depressing.

With a big sip of scotch, I dig a little deeper and find a diary, the cover is creased as if it has been taken everywhere. I open it up and read the entry.

I went to New York to tell him about our baby.

He refused to see me and I’ve never been so humiliated in all of my life.

Or heartbroken.

I can’t see this page for the tears, I don’t know if I can do this alone.

He’s given me no choice.

Alone I am.

I close my eyes in regret.

My heart twists as I think back to that day, if only I had handled things differently. If only I had gone down to see her, would things be different now…would my children know me?

My vision blurs and, feeling like the biggest piece of shit on earth, I keep digging through the box until I get to a pastel pink-and-blue congratulations baby card and I open it up.

Gracie,

You were a rock star in birth

and we are so proud of you.

Love,

Mom and Dad.

She didn’t even tell her mom and dad about me. I picture her with two little babies and nobody knowing who the father is and my heart hurts.

She really has done this all alone.

I can’t imagine what it would be like having a child and not being able to tell anyone who the father is. Did they ask her questions, or did she just lie straight from the beginning?

I think back to my mother’s offer of twenty million dollars and what an insult that is. If she had wanted the money, she could have taken it years ago.

There’s a black velvet box underneath everything and I frown and open it, the diamond tennis bracelet I bought for Grace is inside. Carefully strapped into place, it’s sparkling and looks brand new, as if never been worn.

Why would she wear it, she hates you, remember?

My stomach twists some more. I couldn’t have fucked this up harder if I tried.

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