Page 156 of The Bonus

I flick through the diary and read another entry,

Today I start prenatal classes and what should be a day that’s exciting and one that I’ve been looking forward to…all I can feel is dread.

I’m the only single parent in the class, it’s bad enough I have to do this alone…but being forced to watch everybody else’s husbands and partners be excited feels simply too much to bear.

I get a lump in my throat as I stare at the entry, I hate that she did this alone. I hate what I put her through.

I pick up my phone and scroll through the numbers. Ring ring…ring ring…

“Hello,” Grace answers.

“Hi.” I smile softly, just hearing her voice makes me feel better.

“Gabriel, hi. I’m sorry but the children are asleep.”

“I’m not after the children.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Silence…

I close my eyes, filled with regret.

“Grace,” I whisper, “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?”

“For not being there when you needed me.”

“It doesn’t . . .”

“It matters to me.” I cut her off. “I hate that I wasn’t…” I stop myself saying anything more, unsure how to make this better, “…there for you.”

We fall silent as we both wait on the line for the other to say something.

“I’ll be there Thursday night after work,” I tell her. “As soon as I finish, I’ll be on my way.”

“It’s probably going to be too late by the time you get here to see the kids, they have school the next day.”

“I know.” I think for a moment. “I was hoping that you and the kids could come over to my house on Friday night…and…”

“Are you sure you still want to tell them?”

“Positive.”

“It’s not too late to change your mind, you know.”

“I’m not changing my mind.”

“Call me on Friday.”

“Okay.”

“Good night.”

I smile as hope fills me. “Good night, Gracie.”

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