Page 31 of For the Love of Lily

“I missed this, Luke.”

“I don’t think we’ve ever lain outside in the middle of the night calling each other pretty before, can’t miss something that never happened.” Luke tried to look serious, but I could see his eyes twinkling with an internal smile.

“Maybe we should’ve done. Maybe we should’ve been doing that all along. Do you think that you and me would’ve worked?”

He reached across and stroked my cheek. “I think we would’ve been the most amazing couple in the world.”

“I’m so sorry, Luke.” I started to cry.

“Please don’t…” Luke reached across and pulled me to him in a hug. We lay there, his arm around me, watching the sky in silence, as if neither of us wanted to move. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“Are you going to come to bed with me?” I meant it, as I looked into his eyes and our breath mingled together. Neither of us spoke for what seemed to be an eternity.

“Lily, don’t …” I saw pain flash across his face and immediately regretted my words. Even if I didn’t regret the intention. “Why would you say that?”

“I could blame it on drink,” I shrugged, feeling hopeless. “In reality though, I don’t think we’ll ever get another night like this. I think once you leave, you’ll never come back. Is one night better than nothing? I don’t know anymore. I feel like we should’ve had more nights.”

“We should have but we didn’t. Lily, there’s nothing in the world I want to do more right now than take you to my bed. But you’d hate me tomorrow and then hate yourself too. If we ever did spend the night together in that way, it’d need to be for the right reasons.”

“I know. You’ll always be my ‘what if’.” Fat tears ran down my cheeks.

“And you’ll always be my true love. Come on, this is too much.” He sat, pulling me up alongside him but not letting go of my hand.

“We could pretend I’m all yours, just for tonight. I would’ve loved to have been yours.” I felt beyond devastated at the thought of him not being near me. I wanted to keep him here, as selfish as that was.

“But you’re not mine, are you?” Luke snapped. “If you were, I’d be driving you into that bed upstairs right now, over and over again. It’s all I can think about when you come to work in those super tight skirts. All tiny waist and curvy hips.” His eyes locked on mine in a furious blaze, his pupils huge against the beautiful blue. “Then I come home alone while you head upstairs to meet Zack.”

“Sometimes I think about you though, once I’m up there,” I admitted, for the first time. “I had this dream about you…”

“Lily,” he sighed. “You’re drunk, and it’s making you say things you wouldn’t normally. This is what I was trying to explain in the park that time.”

“Maybe, then, you should’ve shared this two years ago. Said things you wouldn’t normally say. Then we wouldn’t be in this position, would we? The things you could’ve said to me…” I swallowed, nervous as I rubbed my fingers against his.

Luke snapped his hand away, stalking inside towards the stairs as I followed behind. We stood side by side at the bathroom sink, the air heavy like a monsoon was needed to clear it, but the storm was never going to come. The spare toothbrush I’d always kept there was still in the cup. We brushed our teeth together, looking into each other’s eyes through the mirror.

“You’ll always be the one who saved me,” I said, as he wiped his mouth on a grey towel.

“I would save you a million times over.”

“Are you absolutely sure you don’t want a thank you blow job?” I grinned, cheekily, aiming to break the tension of the night but wondering how far I’d go if he took me up on it.

“For fuck’s sake, where was this Lily twelve months ago? I could’ve had fun with that,” he laughed and placed a kiss on top of my head. “Go on, bed. We have work soon.”

I didn’t know about Luke, but I was sure I’d never tell anyone about that night, not even Cassie and definitely not Zack. The atmosphere eased a little at work. I was glad we’d spent that time together. I hoped Luke was too, but I sensed him becoming more and more distant as the weeks went on. I realised it had been a goodbye, the last night of being best friends.

Eleven

It was as though I blinked and we landed in late summer, which also meant it was time for Luke to leave. He’d refused all offers of leaving do’s, drinks or presents. I worked myself up into an absolute state, the realization that he’d be gone by the weekend hitting me hard. On his last day, everyone was in and out of his office, wishing him well and urging him to keep in touch. Petra saw me watching his door.

“Lily, sweetheart, I don’t know what happened between you two, but you’ve been staring at his door all week. Go speak to him before he leaves,” she urged as she patted my hand. She pointed at two coffees she had made for us. “Take those if you need an excuse. I’ll keep anyone else away.”

I murmured my thanks, heading over to his office with the cups, well-practised at tapping on doors whilst holding drinks for lawyers and clients.

“Come in,” I heard his voice through the door.

I pushed it open with my hip and smiled hopefully. “Got five minutes?” I asked, holding a cup out as I took a deep breath, feeling the aura of him flow into me.

He looked a little unsure but nodded and gestured to the chair opposite him. “Sure.”

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