Page 30 of For the Love of Lily

“Feels rebellious being out late on a Monday!” I knocked my wine glass against his. “Cheers.”

Luke beamed at me. “I missed this. Our random adventures.”

“Me too,” I smiled. “You want to talk about stuff? Or follow my example and pretend it didn’t happen, whilst getting drunk and locking yourself away for four years?”

He blew out a low whistle. “It’s a tough one, but seeing as I’m leaving the country soon, we better go with the first option.” He took a drink, and I watched him swallow the cold liquid down, his Adam’s apple bobbed as he did so, the skin of his throat so smooth. Parts of him I hadn’t noticed before.

“How have you been then, really? Cassie seems to have me on limited information, she says I just need to leave you alone.”

Luke shrugged, and I saw the heaviness he carried with him. “We’re OK now. Did she not tell you that we had a huge argument?”

I put my drink down too hard and winced as the glass banged against the cheap table. “No, she never said. What happened? I’m sorry, you should’ve been able to come talk to me.”

“You wouldn’t have appreciated it. She came to mine to see if I was alright. I was in a vile mood and ended up telling her it was all her fault, and she was irresponsible. I mean, you were lucky, Zack was nice, but he could’ve been anyone. She could have put you in a downright dangerous situation.” He shook his head as he took another drink “I shouldn’t have shouted at her. I’ve apologised, but my thoughts are still the same.”

“Luke, if it’s any comfort, she questioned Zack to within an inch of his life before she let him anywhere near me. She wasn’t being reckless. I guess…” I looked up into his eyes, feeling the strength of his emotions bleed into me. “I guess nobody in the world will ever understand our bond, will they? They weren’t there, they don’t know.”

I sensed the internal conflict in him as he reached across and placed his large hand over mine, the skin cold from his drink but so soft and tender. “Is he good, Lily? Is he treating you how you deserve?”

“He really is, there’s nothing to worry about there. But Luke, I don’t want you to go away thinking it was anything lacking in you. If I’d known…” I felt like I was betraying Zack even thinking this, let alone saying it. But it was a ‘what if’ situation, it wasn’t any threat to him. “If I’d known how you felt, if Cassie hadn’t arranged that meeting, I’m sure we’d be together. I had to make a choice though, and I was already too far down one path. Do you understand?”

I noted how neither of us moved our hands. “I do, it’s not your fault. Just not our time, I guess.”

We sat there for a few moments; nobody spoke. I knew he was working through a torrent of feelings, I could sense him struggling with what to do. Luke’s eyes focused and he looked at me.

“What are you meant to be doing at work tomorrow?” he asked.

“The usual. Why? What are you doing?” I was bemused by the question.

“Pretty much slacking off before I leave. I can tell them I need you to help me get all my files closed off. Then we can sit in my office and skive and drink coffee, which will help the hangovers we can work on now if we order shots and join in the midnight karaoke session?” He smiled widely, his eyes twinkled with the challenge.

“I’m up for it if you are, but you know I’m going to kick your arse at karaoke.”

“Challenge accepted.” With that, Luke headed back to the bar, the same group of girls admiring him.

Two hours later, my throat hoarse from the karaoke, we stumbled outside into fresh air. The muscles in my stomach were tight from laughter. The cocktails at the student union appeared to be pre-mixed, and I felt on a high from all the added extras. The combination of sugar and alcohol created a strange sensation in me. I was sure my heart was beating way too fast. My soul felt mellow just for having my best friend close to me again, though.

“Want to stay at mine? It’s closer,” Luke asked. Drunk brain said yes. I couldn’t see any harm in this. I’d stayed at Luke’s a hundred times before. I’d also had issues with drunk brain though, I duly noted. Nodding enthusiastically, we continued to giggle about nothing as we stumbled the short distance back.

It took Luke four or five attempts to open the front door. Eventually, we plonked down onto his couch, still grinning like idiots. “Want another drink?” he asked.

“I don’t know. We have to be up in a few hours, don’t we?” I tried to squint at my phone but couldn’t figure out the time.

“Maybe. Fuck it. Honestly, when are we going to get to do this again?” Luke was at his most reckless now, and I loved it. We were always a bad influence on each other when we got like this. He opened the fridge and clumsily poured wine into glasses. “I’m taking mine outside, you coming?”

“Well, be rude not to when I’m a house guest.” I jumped up, grabbed onto a lamp and almost broke it, more intoxicated than I realised, before I followed him towards the back door.

Luke had a couple of sun loungers in his back garden. The two of us had spent hours on them last summer, talking afternoons away. He pulled them side by side and motioned for me to lie down.

Luke took a deep breath as he lay down next to me, holding a glass out towards me. I took it, aware of how his fingers brushed over mine. I lay back in the lounger, and as my head tilted back, I noticed the stars above me twinkling in the sky, like beautiful gems. The twisting pattern of my exhaled breath floated away in front of me, outlined against the dark night.

Everything was still; everything was beautiful. Luke’s breath was steady beside me. My right hand had dropped lazily to my side and soft, warm fingers took hold of it. I liked it. I liked this.

I glanced his way Luke’s face was so alive and aesthetically perfect. I shifted onto my side.

“You are so, so pretty, Luke,” I whispered, not entirely sure why I was whispering. Even drunk brain was quiet now as the alcohol made me feel introspective.

He scratched his head, looking torn. “You’re beyond pretty. You’re everything.”

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