Page 28 of For the Love of Lily

I headed into the bedroom, my discarded clothes under my arm. How realistic had that image of Luke between my legs been? Where the hell had that come from? It was like my mind was betraying me. Luke was leaving. I’d made my decision; I needed to stop this. Zack was incredible. I shouldn’t even think of anyone else.

Zack had placed oversized glasses full of deep red wine on the table, alongside cheese, crackers and olives. I joined him, my blow-dried hair still warm on my shoulders. I felt ravenous and so glad he was here with me.

“You’re perfect,” I said as I kissed him. “Thank you. I actually have some news for you, there was an announcement at work today. They’re letting Luke take a career break.” I always felt guilty even saying his name in front of Zack. I had seen how he glanced at Luke’s picture in the heart frame every time he came round. “He’s going backpacking for a year. Feels weird, but I guess it’ll make work a little less tense?” I popped an olive in my mouth, hoping Zack would speak.

He didn’t.

“So, I know James wants to retire. I guess he’ll wait twelve months, and then they’ll make Luke a partner,” I shrugged and tried to look nonchalant.

Zack rolled his head from side to side. “I know you miss him being your friend, but I’ll be glad that you aren’t with him every day at work. It’s not good for you,” he sighed and took a long drink.

“You don’t need to be jealous. He barely speaks to me now.” I didn’t need to be told what was good for me.

“I didn’t say I was jealous.” He looked out of the window and continued to drink.

“Can we not ruin the weekend? He’s leaving. You have nothing to worry about.” Maybe I shouldn’t have even mentioned it. I stood behind Zack and stroked his hair, moving down to rub his tense shoulders. “I love you, Zachary. We have hours and hours and hours alone together now. I’m all yours.”

He soon relaxed, and our evening returned to a happy one. His jealous streak could be irritating though. As I nodded off to sleep, cuddled up against Zack’s warm body, my mind wasn’t quite on board with the idea of being ‘all yours’.

I was at my desk but distracted. I didn’t want to work. I looked down and realised I was wearing an obscenely short skirt and those lucky heels of Cassie’s that I liked to borrow. That was weird, they would cripple me at work. The phone rang. I picked it up with long, manicured nails. “Hello?”

“You should come through now,” ordered a deep, male voice. I knew that voice but couldn’t place it.

Then I was knocking on Luke’s office door. He dragged me in and pushed me up against the wall, kissing me harder than I had ever been kissed, ripping the clothes off me. I was in heels and the raunchiest black lingerie I’d ever seen, as he carried me to his desk and pushed me down onto it…

I sat bolt upright in bed, confused. The sun was rising. Zack sat up too, looking concerned. “What’s wrong?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

My heart was pulsating as though it would burst out of me. “Weird dream,” I replied. “I’m fine, sorry.”

Zack wrapped his arms back around me, like a protective shield, as I lay down. Why was my brain so stubborn about Luke?

Ten

Cassie and I had been messaging each other over the weekend about Luke’s news. We arranged to meet for dinner on Monday night, so we could talk it all out in one of our favourite pubs, The Oak Tree. It was an old, traditional place, about ten minutes’ walk from both of us. Full of cosy snugs, log fires in winter and a traditional menu with local ales and real, home-cooked chips. It was impossible to come here without eating chips.

Cassie was already at the table with a bottle of wine for us when I headed in. “Not like you to be early,” I nodded towards the wine. “Drinking?”

Cassie rolled her eyes and sighed. “Maybe next month, hey? Anyway, I’m so excited to be eating in a place that doesn’t serve happy meals or have a soft play attached. I missed you. It’s weird not seeing you every weekend now,” she smiled, the real genuine smile of an old friend.

“Aww, look at you all soppy! I thought you were made up now I’m officially in love and everything is rosy?” I asked, knowing I was forever indebted to this beautiful lady for finding Zack.

“I am! I still expect a special speech at the wedding to thank me,” she grinned. “Right, I’m ordering food and then we can talk. The usual I take it?” I nodded in agreement as I took my phone out of my bag.

Cassie headed to the bar, chatting away to George, the landlord. I heard her order lamb for both of us, our favourite in here. I don’t know what their special recipe was, but it was addictive. I was sending Zack a picture of our wine and thinking I needed to bring him here one day, when Cassie returned.

“Leave him alone please, and concentrate on me,” she pulled a face. “So, honestly, how do you feel about Luke going?”

Sighing, I slipped the phone back into my handbag. “I feel like it’s all my fault.”

“I think you were a contributing factor, but you know how he loves to travel. He’s always been passionate about seeing the world. Perhaps this is what he needs?” Cassie watched me as she spoke.

“I hate the fact we aren’t friends anymore; he can barely look at me in work.” I took a long drink of the wine. “I asked him if he wanted to go for a drink one night, but he hasn’t answered. I miss our silly laughs, miss him coming to yoga with me, miss us sitting in Starbucks just reading and drinking coffee together.”

“He needs time, and space, it’ll work wonders. Hopefully he’ll come back with a Brazilian goddess, and you two can be friends again? Actually, I think he’d be more suited to a Swedish girl. Imagine the blonde babies,” said Cassie, going completely off on a tangent.

“I can’t stop feeling guilty,” I admitted.

“You were single, Zack was single, you fell in love. You did nothing wrong. I’ve spent a lot of time with Luke recently, and he just feels foolish for not saying anything. He’s kicking himself that he left it too late. He’ll be OK though, Lily, he will. If I’d known, I would’ve told you. You were so focused on being single, and he never seemed to want more than the odd one-night stand. I never pictured you two together.” Cassie licked her lips as plates piled high with hot, delicious food were placed in front of us. “If he’d told you before you met Zack, what would you have done?”

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