Page 45 of Wanted

With his hands on his waist, he let me know that although my arguments were solid, Mr. Kral was unwilling to give up ground. Well, me neither.

“What happens when it doesn’t work out?” he yelled. “Tell me, what are we going to do then? We would have wasted valuable time.”

Yes, there was always that possibility, but the truth was I had faith in my dream. It wasn’t going to be easy, but I would make it.

“I made a few notes,” I told him before picking up a notepad that I had appropriately placed on the side of the television. “Look, here’s everything.”

My notes must not have seemed meaningful because without even looking at them, he ripped the notebook from my hands and threw it across the room.

“I’m not interested in any of this shit,” he snorted. “And I don’t want to hear another word about this nonsense about going to college and selling scented little bottles.”

“Lionel, but I just need…” I added as I hurriedly picked up my notebook, I had to get him to take a look at it. The plan was good, at least that’s what it seemed to me.

“You need to keep doing what I tell you,” he proclaimed. “The man is the head of the household, right? Isn’t that what they teach women in that church that your mom likes to go to so much?”

Yes, it is, but I clearly remembered my mother saying playfully—even in front of my father—that while the man is the head, the woman is the neck. And it’s the neck that moves the head.

My parents were religious, but they made a caring and loving couple. They got along incredibly well, never not once, did I hear them arguing the way Lionel and I do.

“Look, love, I want to go to school…” Another attempt, I had to make one more attempt. I was sure it would be worth it.

“Stella, you don’t need to go to college,” he said and I felt his words were full of contempt. At the time I was swallowing tears, but I would cry later. I would manage tears, after tasting the sweetness of triumph. “Look at me, see what I’ve accomplished without stepping into a classroom after finishing high school.”

Yes, yes, many people don’t have to go to school to succeed. Unfortunately, I wasn’t part of that group. Also, I wanted to have the experience.

“And you’ll go even further, I’m sure,” I said those words to him sincerely because they were true. “However, just as you have your dreams, I also have mine. Being a housewife is an amazing job, but I’m sure I will end up feeling very frustrated later in life unless I do this for myself.”

He took what I said like I was purposely insulting him. I could almost see smoke coming out of his ears.

Fuck.

“Forgive me.” I know those words may sound conciliatory to many, but at the time it was like a bomb. “Forgive me for wanting to have children with you, for wanting to protect you, and give you everything without you having to lift a finger. Forgive me for wanting to protect you and provide for you.”

I closed my eyes feeling really frustrated, he misinterpreted my entire speech. For me, all his efforts were important. I was very grateful to him for striving to forge a future for us because he always spoke of these great plans not only for himself, but also for the family he dreamed of building with me. So my dedication to keeping the house as he liked, having everything clean, and tidy, I knew that made him happy. Feeling pampered comforted his soul and loving him as I did, also filled me with happiness.

And yet it wasn’t enough.

I felt like shit. I did, not only because I had lost the opportunity to expand my horizons and with it my business, but also bruising his ego.

“It’s not about that, Lionel,” I said softly as he approached me, moving like a hunter. “I’m happy being your wife, but I also want to be my own person, with my own goals and ideas. Do you remember what that is? Do you remember what it is like to dream and make those plans come true?”

Lionel grabbed my arms tight. I was sure that his grip would leave a mark on my skin, but I decided to embrace the pain. Offering it up as a bargaining chip, I needed him to listen to me.

“And it is in your best interest to remember you are mine.”

Chapter Fifteen

You should remember…

Those words are like a detonator that brings me back to reality.

“Noooooooo!” My screams fill the otherwise silent house like a fire truck siren, my voice sounds panicked. I’m not sure he heard me, but that’s all I can do. My hands tremble causing the phone to drop on the counter.

What is this shit?

“What happened?” he asks me as he returns to the kitchen, his eyes looking me up and down, looking for an injury. “Stella?”

My face says it all, I’m breathing fast and my legs are barely holding me up. It’s a mystery how I didn’t have a heart attack considering the speed with which my heart is beating.

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