Page 68 of Rainstorm

Something.

But nothing.

Nothing.

Because to him I’m obviously nothing.

Nothing.

Even after everything Chase has said and done, I still foolishly hope he’ll come begging on his knees, telling me that I’m his life, that without me nothing makes sense, that we should give our marriage another chance.

As if that’s going to happen.

I’m such a stupid, foolish dreamer.

Acceptance of reality has to be the first painful step.

Dammit.

Tuesday passes with no contact.

By Wednesday I’ve given up.

I’m thankful that Ariel is giving me space, she hasn’t asked how things are going, thankful that everyone at work leaves me well alone and doesn’t speak to me. I don’t care if doing the job I was brought in to do is making me unpopular, it’s of no concern to me right now.

That’s not why I’m not sleeping, why I don’t feel like eating, why I feel like a zombie.

It’s all down to Chase. His rejection. His excuses. His lies.

Thursday arrives, and finally I see Chase in the parking lot as he leaps from his car when it pulls up next to mine.

“Why can’t you just sign the original papers, when they were more than generous terms? Why are you making this more complicated, Roselynn?” he yells at me.

Okay, so it seems we’re not going about this like civilized adults, instead we’re doing it out here in the parking lot, in front of all the neighbors. Not my preferred option, but what the hell, if this is how he wants things, bring it on! What is he so upset about? He thinks he can throw money at me to go quietly?

“More complicated?” I yell back. “You think I’m making this complicated? Complicated for who, Chase?”

“Rose...”

“We don’t have anything to talk about. Get your lawyer to call my lawyer to discuss these ‘complications’ you’re so worried about.”

His jaw is tight, his fists clenched at his sides. He hasn’t shaved in days and there are dark circles beneath his eyes and yet I still find him devastatingly attractive.

“Roselynn, I don’t expect you to understand, but I want you to accept that I’m doing this for you.”

For me, he says. What the fuck is he talking about? Nothing makes any sense.

For me.

For me?

Bullshit!

He’s killing me for my sake? For my sake?

How fucking dare he?

He’s not doing this for me. It’s just a pathetic excuse, a way of trying to make himself feel better about destroying what we had. I might accept anything else he says, but that he is doing this for me? I don’t fucking think so. How in the hell is this for my benefit?

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