Page 72 of Double Bucked

I enter the gazebo. I squeeze my eyes shut. I slip my fingers into my hair and grip until it hurts. I want to pull it off my skull.

Gently, Ransom’s hands slip over my wrists. He guides my hands behind my back. His big hands wrap around my wrists, holding me in place.

“This okay?” Ransom says.

A tickle of comfort in my chest. “Yes.”

This was our thing. I’d get overwhelmed and self-destructive. Ransom would tie my hands back until the episode passed.

I’d forgotten how much I needed it until this second.

With my back to him, lost in this private maze, there’s an uneasy truce. An openness between us.

“Did he hurt you?” Ransom asks.

I shake my head. “No. Nothing like that.”

Ransom holds my wrists. The tightness feels good. It feels healing.

I’m a moth that’s climbed back into my cocoon. I’m too tired to be a butterfly anymore.

“What was Daddy like?” I hear myself ask. “In the end.”

“Paranoid. Thought everyone was out to get him.”

“Maybe it’s a curse, you know? Preachers can’t trust anyone.”

“You can trust me.”

I suck in a breath between my teeth. “That’s rich, after tonight.”

“You mean with Jade?”

I yank my arms. He releases me. I turn so I can face him. In the flickering lights, those brown eyes look haloed in gold. “Ransom. The other night, in the stables, you spun pretty poetry about how you only have eyes for me. And now I hear you’re some playboy, Wiley Riley, fucking married women?—?”

His jaw sets. “It ain’t like that.”

Angry heat licks my chest. “You made a promise.”

“You got engaged.”

“Yeah. After you abandoned me.” Rage makes my throat tight. The backs of my eyes sting. “You promised it would be only us.”

He shifts, uncomfortable on his feet. “I made a promise you’d be the only woman I’d make love to. And…technically…I ain’t broken that promise…”

His words whip through me. “Stop. Immediately. Stop talking before you put pictures in my head you can’t take back.”

Like a smart boy, Ransom shuts up.

I pace the gazebo. I want to tear at myself. I growl, “I hate it here. I hate Belleflower. And I hate you. The sight of you. The smell of you. Every goddamn thing about you that gets under my skin.”

I shove his chest, but he grabs me suddenly. He takes me by the arms and yanks me in so my body is flush against his. I have no choice but to meet his gaze now.

Just having him close makes the tips of my fingers tingle.

“You’ve got it twisted.” His voice is low. Serious. “Stop raging for a second and listen. I’m not a playboy. I don’t go after married women for the sport. I do it because they don’t ask anything of me. I’ve got nothing to give. Nothing. I can’t belong to them because my heart already belongs to you. So I go with women who have a family. Who have a husband and a life. Because I will never be that for them. I won’t ever be anyone’s husband or the father of their kids. I found my one. That’s it. That’s all it is for me.”

I’m shivering. My teeth chatter.

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