Page 60 of Four Times Forever

This time it did nothing to help me as I exploded all over my hand. My head fell back and though my eyes were shut, I heard her call my name, moan it actually as she came around Ethan's massive cock.

Oh, help me heaven and earth, the torture wasn't over yet.

Chapter 45

Lily

That was so fucking hot. My pussy was still pounding, and every now and then I glanced over at Ryan, who was still shirtless, with his eyes closed and his head back on the jet settee. I doubted he was asleep, and that self-destructive part of me was telling me to go over to him, climb on his lap, and forget the past few weeks. But I turned my attention instead to the sleeping men next to me. They would have to be enough. In their own way, they were. But I hadn't stopped loving Ryan. Of course I missed him, even if I did see him every day.

Eric's eyes slowly opened when I stroked a finger over his beard. "Hmm." He smiled.

"I'm curious. When you said, 'travel the world before we're tied to each other forever', you don't think marriage means signing away your freedom, do you?" I asked.

He sighed and pulled me closer to him to kiss me on the lips. "You think too much."

I meant it though. Why now? As opposed to later. Why did it feel so rushed? Unless they were planning another surprise for me. In that case, I didn't want to ruin it.

Maybe it was just a moment of spontaneity. I remembered watching his vlogs. They were always jetting off this way and that. Since they'd met me, they'd been tied to one spot and tied to doom. They'd lost that sunshine that attracted me to them in the first place, and they'd consumed all my darkness.

"You were right," I gulped. "I do need to be more adventurous, join you in the things you love the most. It won't be hard to love them too. I mean, this is exciting."

He gulped but soon smiled to hide it.

"It is exciting, right?" I asked with that regret I felt ever so often about bringing them into my fucked up life, taking out the light that used to be in all their eyes, in Ryan's. "Do you want to marry me?" My belly twisted and ached.

"Of course, I do. Listen, marriage won't ruin us like it did your parents. Truthfully, they were probably ruined to begin with." He did a mouth shrug.

There was a pang in my gut. If they were and were honest enough with themselves to avoid tying themselves to each other, my brother and I could have avoided such shitty lives.

"Hey." He tilted my chin up and held my gaze until my eyes started to water. "Look at my parents. Happy marriages are possible, even with their challenges. And there will be challenges, but we'll overcome them together."

"Oh, don't say that," I grimaced.

"Don't say what?" he asked.

"That there will be challenges. Don't mark our union with that..." I said.

"But it's the truth. All relationships have them." He grunted. A kind of seriousness set in his jaw. I gently shoved his shoulders to relieve it.

"I'm just saying, I want us to be happy. All rainbows and sunshine." I flashed my brows.

"Well, when did you become the picture of 'positivity' and I became the 'realist'?" He came up on his elbows, looked at me, and swung his legs over the bed.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

He sighed and shook his head. "I'm going to the bathroom. And all relationships have their challenges." He turned back around and stroked his hand through my hair. "Marriage is about withstanding them, staying committed to working through them. I'd love to think that when things get tough between us, you won't leave." He flicked a glance to Ryan. I followed his gaze. "Unless, of course, I do anything to hurt you." The catch in his voice brought my attention back to him. He stroked his thumb across my bottom lip, and his eyes flickered with distress.

"I know you won't," I said, grabbing hold of his hand as it started to fall away from my cheek. "Not intentionally, anyway." My heartbeat thudded as I recalled Ryan's mistake. Intentionally or not, pain was still pain.

"Of course not." His brows stitched together. "I really need to pee."

Nodding, I let him go. Laying back against the wall where the head of the bed was resting, I waited for him to return. As suspected, Ryan's eyes opened, restlessness alive when he turned them in my direction. I gulped.

"Promise me that marriage won't change what we have," I said to Eric as he came out of the bathroom and put on his clothes, my eyes still on Ryan's.

"You worry too much." He leaned down to kiss me on the top of my head. "Of course it won't."

The turmoil in my stomach reminded me of my sense of doom that I carried with me everywhere, even when I was on a plane to fucking Paris. A lot of people would kill to be in my shoes at the moment. Change didn't have to be a bad thing. That agony that had been resting over their shoulders since they came into my life, I wanted to take that away. No more, Ms. Expecting The Worst. I'd show them that I could be a source of light for them as well, prove to them that being with me hadn't been the worst decision they could have made in their lives, and put back the joy in them which I stole.

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