Page 23 of Four Times Forever

"Good." I smiled and propped my feet up.

"I can't believe Ann-Marie's pregnant," Eric announced. He should have looked happier about it, at least, in my opinion. But maybe guys didn't get as excited over these things as we did. Even if I didn't want children of my own, it was still exciting.

I squealed and threw my arms up.

"I'm going to be a godmother. Ann-Marie is going to be a mother!" Tears came to my eyes as the picture of their growing family took form in my mind.

A part of me always kind of thought she and I were on the same page with not wanting children, but she would make a wonderful mother. With all the trauma she'd endured, the woman was a rockstar, and I just knew she would protect that child with every bit of herself. They wouldn't grow up in poverty, that was for sure, and they'd have a mother whose empathy, in my book, had no match.

With both of us in that child's corner, they would hopefully avoid much of the darkness we faced. Although, we wouldn't force rose-colored glasses on their faces. We could only protect children so much, until they were out into the world, out of the cocoon we'd wrapped them in and they were swallowed up by the demons that walked the earth.

That was the reason I wouldn't have children.

There had to be some of us that did, and some of us that didn't to strike some sort of balance. That child couldn't have gotten a better mother. And Tyler didn't seem too bad himself.

My phone rang, interrupting my musings.

"Lily, I've been thinking about what we talked about," my therapist started. I wasn't sure I was excited to hear what she had to say, if she was going to suggest that I give up on Ryan again.

"Okay," I responded.

"And I have a free time slot next week, if you're still interested," she said.

I snapped upward.

"That's incredible. I'll speak to him about it and see what he has to say," I announced.

"So you hadn't spoken to him yet?" the therapist asked.

"No. Things have been all over the place around here, but he hasn't had a drop of alcohol all day..." I said.

Ryan turned around, brows drawn together. "Who are you talking to?"

Oops. Maybe I shouldn't have said that so loudly. Without context and with his paranoia, it could be interpreted the wrong way.

"I'll call you back. Thanks again so much," I told my therapist before hanging up. "So, you're not going to believe this." I jumped to my feet and approached Ryan.

"Believe what?" His jaw was tense.

"My therapist has agreed to see you next week." I clapped my hands together.

Ryan's eyes narrowed and my clapping slowed.

"Hey, that's good news. Eh, Ry?" Matt patted him on the back.

He shrugged him off hard. I mean, so hard, I worried if he'd thrown his shoulder out of socket.

"Ryan?" I reached for him.

"Don't touch me," he ground out.

He couldn't be talking to me. Ryan had never spoken to me like this before.

"I don't understand. You said you were open to help, I thought you'd be happy about this." My heartbeat had slowed to spaced-out thuds.

"Happy?" His voice raised. "Happy that you went behind my back and booked me a therapist?"

"I just wanted to help," I assured him.

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